New toy vs old toy

So you have been with subject A for the past 6 months and the relationship is something out of a Harlequin Romance Novel. You spend every waking minute and hour with each other, call each other on a daily basis just to hear his or her voice, and not to mention the sex is out of this world. The  butterflies in your stomach seem endless, and you smile each and every time you see them.  You look into his or her eyes deep into their soul and  know that you have found true love.. You cant wait to see each other again while you are still in each others arms, sigh.. But no sooner do you turn the page in your romantic novel do you hit the 6 month trap..

That same book that was painted with pretty pictures and butterflies is now something that could be sitting next to Stephen King or Agatha Christies best sellers. You don’t know what went wrong in the relationship but you know that things are not what they once were. Instead of those random cute texts and romantic nights you find yourself wondering who he or she is with tonight.  You begin to think you did something wrong and are retracing the moments in your relationship to see what went wrong..

The truth is , you did nothing wrong . You have now become a victim of the 6 month itch.  Now this does not apply to everyone and I can only go off my personal experiences but the best analogy that I can go with is a toy. Remember when you got that toy you always wanted for christmas as child?   Well try to remember the feelings associated with it. You were happy, excited and could not wait to play with it! Day after day you played with your new Barbie or Gi-Joe , and could not get enough of it. You were so infatuated with it that you took it in the tub with you, shit you even slept with it! But then, after a while that very same toy grew old. You knew what it looked like, felt like and knew what to expect when you played with it.  It became a monotonous routine and the fact that you could only do so much with it grew tiring.The toy lost its luster, shine and excitement. 

 Well the same goes with a relationship. The first 6 months of it are bliss. Because you are still new to each other the excitement is unbearable! You want to spend time with your partner and are trying desperately to  impress each other that you are putting your best skills forward. Weather it be conversational skills, cooking skills and bedroom skills you are a kung-fu master of the relationship.    You keep this charade up for as long as you can but once you hit that 6 month mark, the relationships looses its shine. You know what to expect when you are together, begin to call each other less, make excuses not to see him or her, and are trying to find the nearest EXIT sign.

So why does this happen? Well it can be one of two reasons. The person that you are with does not know what he or she wants and still wants to play the field, or you simply are not the one.

For whatever reason he or she is backing off and is not ready to settle down with you. They are  looking for that next new toy to play with. It’s not something you did wrong it is just the nature of the game. Now you can do things to make the game go slower or faster but for the most part the end result may be the same. Or you can change the rules..

For starters you can put that toy back in the toy box for a while and give yourself a chance to miss each other. For those of you that have children you know what I am talking about. Once your child gets disinterested in a toy and wants a new one, experts often tell you to take that toy away from your child and hide it for at least a couple of weeks . When you  return that very same toy to your child you will then see the interest in that very same toy rise. That child will also establish a new routine with that toy and play with it differently..  I know that this may be a hard thing to do but if you see your relationship taking a turn for the worse, what is the alternative? If you give yourself a chance to miss your significant other then that shine that turned you on so much in the beginning will eventually come back. You will also bring new excitement to the relationship. I don’t care how good you cook, how intellegent you are or how great you are in bed..Lets face it..We all get bored doing the same old thing..

Another option may be changing the rules of the game. Flip the script on them..or as my girl Angie best said it.. Do them like they do you! I know this may be a childish alternative but believe me once you have the upper hand in the relationship you will have them wondering..Just think of it..Would you rather play a game that you knew you were going to win or would you like a challenging game? If they are calling you less and less do the same. If it takes them a couple of hours  to get back to you then take four hours to get back to them. If they make excuses to not see you and forget that you had  a date tonight..Make yourself unavailable. Pretty soon they will be the ones on the other end wondering what they did wrong. It is always best to leave the other person wondering. Again it isnt about learning how to play a game. but it’s about understanding human nature and behaving accordingly.  A person will always want what he or she cant have..

D..I hope this makes sense…

How to mend a broken heart…

This question has been posed in many times and many ways…

Alas the post I have been trying to avoid. How do you mend a broken heart? Come guys and gals? We have all been there , in love. When we thought we found “the one “to only find out he or she was just another someone.

I think Al green posed this question  best in his song
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again!

Well how can you? There are some people that say dating is the key, others that say that you should let time heal all wounds and  others that tell you to take time to yourself..But the reality is that I did not want to do those things. I did not want to wait, nor did I  want to force another relationship, nor did I want to be alone and think about him all the time..I just wanted a quick fix! Well, there is no quick fix,you can not force yourself to heal..Otherwise you would be some type of superhero..and thats a different story. The only thing you can do is be patient and believe that later down the road you will take off those rose colored glasses and see things for what they are. You will realize why he was not the one for you and thank the relationship gods for taking you out as soon as they did..So here i am, glasses in hand and able to see how dumb I was! I am 6months post heart ache and am ready to take the lead role in my so called love life. So how did I do it?

Well, I did all of the above;I dated, took time for myself and added one more thing to the list I began to read! And you know what they worked! Dating made me realize what I did or did not want in a man, taking time to myself allowed me to open up to new friends , thoughts and ideas   reading allowed me to understand . 

Dating: Weather you are ready to do it or not you have to get him out of your system. You have to allow yourself to feel, heal and laugh. I am not saying you are going to meet Mr. Prince Charming but you will find out that there are a lot of good guys out there. Although you may not be ready for him you have to get through a few bad apples in order to find that nice juicy one.

Alone time: I am not talking about secluding yourself from the world, just from dating. There has to be a time when you sit back and reflect and get to know the new you.  This is best done by surrounding yourself with a few good friends. Although alone time is good, sometimes its good to hear things from a different perspective. In my case I had a really good guy friend when I was on this road of self discovery. It was comforting to hear things from a mans point of view and his honesty is what allowed me to see things face value. 

Feeding your mind: As mentioned, I began to read a lot of self help books. These are ones I recommend..

Hes just not that into you

Its called a break up because its broken

God winks on love

Why men love bitches

The Manual

Act like a man think like a lady

After reading all these books I began to understand men and women are never going to see things eye to eye. It allowed me to open up my wounds, realize that I was an idiot and that life will go on! After doing all of the above, when the X-heartache came into my life this last time, I was able to go up to him, strike up a conversation and pretend that our past relationship did not hurt me. Sure I walked away and broke down in tears but it was something I had to do..

So can you mend a broken heart? The answer is yes! Hope that it works for you..

Hes Back

So an ex is in town and it is taking my all to not call, text or even bother with him. But honestly , it is hard!

I made the mistake of  contacting the past yet again and ironically was having a great repertoire with  him a week before he was coming back into town. No sooner did he get my hopes up , he disappeared! Which now  has left me with this empty hole inside my heart. Granted I should have known better and should not have gotten my hopes up but as usual i fell into his dysfunctional trap. He entertained me yet again with the idea of him and possibly meeting  up with him while he was in town and just before I could absorb it all up ..Bam he disappeared. Contact on his part diminished and I was left wondering what I did wrong? We had a great conversations between us for two whole months before his arrival and a week before he was supposed to hop on a plane his instant messages, picture msgs and texts stopped! WTF happened? Did I do something wrong? I don’t get it!!!!!

Did he do this on purpose?

Why is it that men like to play this game! Because we allow it? Because they can get away with it? It frustrates me that this whole cat and mouse thing . Why work me up for a couple of months or so and when it is time to step up to the plate you chicken out? So I am left with this question ..Was it a test and what should I do? Should I pretend he never came and that our conversations were just made up in my head? Or should I play into this game of cat and mouse…ARGH I just want to scream!

Spare me your corporate bull!

Life got in the way so blogging was put off to the side for a few.

So here goes, another stupid moment in my life..I’m not really trying to be a man basher , just exploiting the facts.

Exhibit A, you meet a man with a prestigious profession, he has the perfect body, dreamy eyes and perfect life. He is older, carries himself well in the public eye and should be everything that you wanted? NOT.  Behind closed doors, this man becomes this douche-bag that tries to shove his tongue down your throat every second he gets! On top of it, every other word that comes out of his mouth is  an attempt to get you in bed which is not only disgusting but disrespectful ! Can you say thirsty?

I mean seriously do you think talking dirty to a woman, is going to get you brownie points? I’m sorry but my idea of a good time, does not consist of a man inviting me over to his house, telling me he is going to shower me with his manliness (trying to keep it G rated), and not even have dinner and wine waiting? This is a prime example of not judging a book by its cover! Just because a man makes a six figure income, does not mean he knows how to treat a lady well. Come to think of it, many of these white collar men that I have met, in my eyes, need to F^&% off!Just because you have the fancy car, fancy job, and are dubbed as a powerful man at the office does not mean you can shove your corporate bullshit down my throat! I just don’t get it?! Did they teach a man to be a douche bag in grad school? or did things change when the money started to flow and they became invincible!

No wonder I am attracted to the starving musicians and artists, the ones that have the passion behind them. Although they don’t have the money to take to you to an elaborate restaurant they are humble. They will admit to not having time for you, but will make an effort, you hear from them because they want to see you, not need to see you! The will make due with what they have and whip an awesome meal, from their bachelour pad and pop in a great movie! Not to mention they are passionate lovers and great cuddlers!

Blame Hollywood

After having a Romantic Comedy marathon and watching movies such as Woman on Top,  No Reservations, and Greys Anatomy all in the same day, I was left wanting a man who had a P.h.d in relationships. That Superman who serenades you to sleep, makes you smile when you are down,  inspires  you to pursue your dreams, and can whip up a 3 course meal even after coming home from a 10 hour surgery without even breaking a sweat.

Ahh Hollywood I blame you for my singleness! I blame you for painting this fairy tale image of what women are supposed to look for in a man! You have painted this image of what kind of man a girl is supposed to like! A Dr. Manhattan of some sort who is tall, very well muscled, super intelligent and has unlimited powers  including the ability to easily manipulate matter (you) to his liking. Well ladies I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this Dr Manhattan  that Hollywood speaks of exists, and  we continue to seek this him out we will loose touch with ourselves! We will loose touch of the very  fundamentals of  ourselves and get lost in the theory of him.

Speaking from experience, this Hollywood man    is too consumed with the logical and doesn’t tend to get emotional. He will be short lived,  mess with your mind and leave you high and dry when a better offer comes along.

“Human affairs cannot be my concern. I’m leaving this galaxy for one less complicated.” Dr Manhattan.

Hmm sound familiar ?

I love me!

I am tired of trying to “fit in” to please society. I am tired of doing things that I would not normally do to please you! I am tired of trying to  make him love me when the reality is that I must  love myself !

I love me, what more could there be, a love for myself that super-cedes all. A love for myself that has taught me to appreciate the beauty in me. That has taught me to weed out the negative and focus on the positive of me .

I love me!

There once was a time when I was consumed by him , the thought of him, the feeling of him. Yes I admit it, I was in love with the idea of him .  An idea that was forced upon me by you! Television, Media , Hollywood, Friends, Family …Why is it that a woman must be with a man to be happy. Why does she have to  have that ring around her finger or be in a relationship before she turns the ripe age of 30 , to be normal.  Why are we teaching our daughters that in order to be happy we have to find our prince charming , live in his castle and be his trophy wife?

One of  many trophies that is displayed on his mantle  (for a limited time only) collecting dust until he is ready to polish us with his sometimes personality . A  personality that we have become a prisoner of, one that we have forced ourselves to believe in although the truth was painted abstractly  the very first day.

The very first day we met him we knew he was An Andalusian Dog”, and we were playing the  main role in this surrealist film that he liked to call his life. A Dali like film that is disjointed, jumping from the initial “once upon a time” to “eight years later” without the events or characters changing very much. Why are women  just going through the motions to appease you society!  In choosing to please you, we are living a dream that we eventually have to wake up from.

Well, I am awake and an choosing not to accept  mediocrity and get caught up  in the theory of him ! I am choosing to love myself , accept the single life and  be my own happy ending.

Thanks ANGIE ZAMUDIO for teaching me to do me!

FALSE ADVERTISING

What is it with people trying to sell themselves now a days?

It seems as if the guy next to you is too concerned about wooing you with materialistic riches,  false promises , a fast car or simply is trying to sell you  this image that he thinks he needs to conform to.  It has come to the point that each guy that I am meeting, weather it be in a local bar, club, or even at the work place has this rehearsed speech that sounds similar to that of a used car salesman.  You know the one, where he is  trying to put his best foot forward and tells you everything you want to hear so that he can make it to first base. He is selling you that one of a kind car , with the flawless exterior and jacked up interior.

An interior that will eventually be exposed on the second or third date that leaves you with false hope, another number in your phone book and no with the question of  what just happened.  Is it me, is it them.. Why even bother selling me that car if I cant even test drive it? Whats up with the False advertising?!

So from now on I shall be called Ms. Manhatten I am tired of Earth, I am tired of these people and their inability to see reason. Where have all the good people gone when will they ever learn? Is it too much to ask for a “real” man or woman?

Just when I think I met the guy of my dreams who fits my physical and intellectual needs, swoosh, he is gone!   I guess what I am trying to say is BE REAL, BE HONEST..BE YOU!

GREAT  another puzzle to be solved…..

Stepping up to the plate!

Superwoman?

A little while ago a person once told me that I was a “tough girl” a super woman of some sorts who could annihilate any obstacle that stood in her way . I began to think wow what a great quality! But after last months events I began realize that I am nothing more than a mere mortal. A mortal who has a heart, feelings, and soul !

Maybe this blog is a little “out there”  but after sharing a couple of beers with a friend and discussing the politics of comics, I could not help but compare life to a comic.   A  romantic comedy with an array of plots and characters that thrust me into  the most messed up predicaments.  I began to fill my thoughts with self-doubt, often wondering if  I created my own drama. Was is it me, is it them? Did I do something wrong, did i act or say the wrong thing?  Is this what the dating world is like? Should a relationship serious or non, be dramatic, confusing, hurtful, and passionate at the same time?

I don’t know if its because I am growing older, a result of the economy, or a shift in the universe but it seems as if relationships are not what they used to be. Casual sex/ friends with benefits has replaced the very fundamentals of what a relationship used to be and has sucked the life out of them. We have  become more accustomed to this fast way of life and preoccupy our time with disposable men and women.

So, here is my comic like analogy. You put your relationship wall up and vow to never fall in love again. You promise to take life for whats its worth, including relationships and focus on the philosophy of ” doing you”.  You put your big girl panties on and walk into corporate and social America with your game face on ready to take on any challenge that stands in your way. You do good for the most part until,  find him ,your Kryptonite ,whom I will now dub Mr. Wolverine.The anti-hero with the sharp retractable claws who was able to break down your wall effortlessly. The man who bounces back from any type of relationship trauma and suppresses his human like characteristics including emotions. (wow I am too much into comics !) The bad boy!

Who is he and where did he come from? Worse yet how did he break down your invisible force field and aim straight for you heart?  Although I am over it, and my Wolverine has left the building , I could not help but think to myself how do strong independent women allow this gruff loner take a hold of our hearts?  When was it cool to lock Prince Charming up and put this mutant in his place? Lastly how do we take our lives back?

Relationships and food!

I am now taking requests for blog material. So one of my friends asked me to write a blog  a while back about relationships and food . Initially I saw this as a challenge and could not relate to the subject  or even form a connection between the two, not until now that is.  Not until I was part of a love triangle that I could not comprehend.

Relationships are like food! Hmm His analogy was interesting why do men, or even women that have a 3 course meal  in front of them every night of the week opt for that occasional slice or two or three of pizza ?

When we are we getting all the the nutrients and vitamins in a meal we  still  stray from the diet?  Do we really want to see whats on the other side? To curve our junk food craving? I really cant answer this this, and as I was eating my medley of fruit, deciding on weather to eat the grape or the pineapple, I thought for one second that  perhaps we  as humans are not are wired to stick with one type of cuisine. We were given  taste buds for a reason  an sometimes we simply get bored with the same type of meal 7 days a week. Its OK to do the healthy thing and get in all your fruits and veggies but reality is, sometimes we want to add a little hot salsa to the mix and spice things up. Food like relationships should be full of flavor and be savored from the first bite to the last rather than predictable and bland.

So is the real question , is it wrong to want to take an occasional bite into that slice of pizza, sushi, or Prime Rib or opt to stay on this strict diet of monogamy?

So here it is my friend a blog in your honor, I wish I could answer this but I cant