Married men…Frustrate me!

I’m so frustrated ! Why is it that married men, better yet men who are committed continue to approach me?! As if we are not going to find out!

Lets see..

He does not give out his cell number, can only be reached at the office or via email? Can’t go out on a Saturday night, and lavishes you with expensive dinners or material things Lets see that only could mean one thing !He’s taken and not happy about it!

I am finding that a lot of married /committed men continue to try their luck! If you are not happy with your marriage or relationship then why not break it off or get divorce? Why do you insist on trying to bring me into your messed up situation? I have my own issues to deal with. Maybe I’m a little old fashioned or maybe its just because I have morals but I am sick and tired of this. Come on dudes do you seriously think that your women are not going to find out about your infidelity? Women now-a-days have access to a lot of things including bank statements, phone records,the INTERNET etc. WE WILL FIND OUT. When our women’s intuition kicks in and we can smell the scent of another women a mile away.

I know all the tricks in the book, like flaunting your money in front of me, can text but not talk, who is constantly unavailable! And once we find out that you are taken you try to keep entice us by flaunting your wad of cash, how many cars you own, or the line of work that you do!

Honestly You can keep your wad of cash because honestly that don’t impress me much.

High Maintenance vs Low Maintenance

So I was out last night and as I looked around the room I realized that I was surrounded by the High-maintenance women. You know the ones, who walk into the room and heads turn, the ones who demand to be the center of attention and are decked out in make-up, bling-bling, and not one dime in her pocket . The ones that don’t pay for anything, and end up on some guys lap in VIP. As I was looking at these girls who had tons of men sweating them to buy them a drink, I walked up to the bar with my cash in hand and bought my own drink. Maybe it is my aura as someone mentioned on another post, but I most definitely am not out to use men and see how many drinks I can get out of them.

I know men say that they don’t like the High maintenance women, but it sure did not look at it last night, or any other night as a matter of fact. Do men not see that these women are just using them for free, drinks, cover or otherwise. They are not interested in you but more so whats in your pants, and no its not what you think. I have been around friends who walk into a club and bat their eyelashes and legs at the men who are sitting in the VIP section waiting for them to invite them up.

As for me, I will opt to go to a low key bar such as the Green Eye Lounge, Estelles, Evil Olive, or any local bar in Lincoln Park. I would rather opt for ,for my jeans, gym shoes, wife-beater, and ponytail. Im all about comfort maybe its because I don’t have the time to sit there and obsess over my looks or which guy is going to buy me a drink.

So High Maintenance Vs Low Maintenance . Who wins?

Your Hair color attracts a certain type?

In going with my spontaneous personality ,the other night I decided that I needed some change in my life. I picked up the phone, told my girl have the grey-goose on ice because I was coming over with two bottles of hair dye and we were having a hair dye party.

A bottle of vodka and and two Lo-real Bright Black Hair colors later I went from a blondish brown to a jet-black Brunette. As I looked in the mirror my first response was shock! The person looking back at me was foreign.. My girl loved it and said it suited my personality, she said it was time for a new me!

When I went to work the next day many of my female co-workers looked at me in a whole new light( or dark one). I was amazed at the fact that a spur of the moment decision for me emitted different responses from women of different age groups. I listed many of them below

Who hurt you? 20 something female

Who is the new man in your life? 30 something female

You are not ready for that color. 50 something female

Why are you trying to grow up so fast? 4o something female

and my favorite,

You are going to attract a whole new type of man with that color! 5o something female

Wait! What exactly does that mean.

I asked her to elaborate on this and her response was, when someone looks at you they are going to know that you mean business and you are not a force to be recokned with. With your dark eyes and dark hair you are going to get yourself into a lot of trouble. I laughed it off..But it truly made me wonder.

Does the color of your hair dictate the type of man that you will attract? Are men more inclined to approach a Blonde Vs. Brunette. I guess this does go back to the old saying of Blondes do have more fun, but what about Brunettes? Are we the prudes of the bunch.

Texting the EX

I remember the good old days when talking on the phone meant having to wait till you physically got home to talk to your boyfriend. Or, if you wanted to tell someone you wanted to talk you would page them on their beeper (wow i’m showing my age) . Now -a -days it seems like we are constantly calling, texting, Instant Messaging, Twittering or lost in our myspacing the world . In my opinion life seemed so much simplier when we were not tied down to our crackberry and haunted by these electronic vices that seem to rule our lives especially after a break up.

I am finding that a lot of women including myself believe that it is harder to get over the ex because with this technology is right at out fingertips and we seem to know their every move. We know when they are home because their Instant Msg screen name pops up, or worse yet, you can see how happy they are without us by looking at their myspace and facebook pictures. We have too much power in knowing what they are doing, or seeing the new person they are dating .

I know what you are saying, just delete them and move on, but reality its easier said than done. It is too easy to drunk text the ex and tell them how much you miss them or click on their screen name and look at all the new girls on their friends list.

I’m not bitter just accepting the reality , I know many people are thinking what I mentioned above, I just happened to say it.

Part duex of this post!

I am usually one who can stay friends with the ex. My philosophy has always been if you two shared something friendship or otherwise, you are capable of being adults after the break up! Well like everything in life, there is always an exception to the rule!

With everyone around me breaking up and my own personal issues I have come to realize that staying friends with the ex is not always the best thing for your heart. I tried the whole friendship route,moving on with my life, painting the fake smile on my face pretending I was the cool ex-girl.. I am tired of pretending!  Although I have learned to separate my emotions from a lot of situiations, it is difficult to erase those feelings and memories that led you to fall. Those little moments when you got lost into his eyes and thought you found love. sigh

Once you felt those magical moments, how can you  settle for mediocracy and just be friends? What it really boils down to is if you truly fall for someone crossing the friendship barrier, you need to understand once its over, it needs to be over. If the feelings were genuine , and you thought that you found your soul mate, or true love, it can take you an eternity ..(not months) to get over them and unfortunately being friends will not help.

I have done some soul searching and growing over the past year and although I have not really reached adulthood I have realized that being an adult kind of sucks!If only relationships were as simple as they were when we young where Barbie meets Ken, Ken buys her a Pink Convertible, and they live life in their Dream house and life the perfect plastic life. Even if Ken cheated used or lied to Mariposa Barbie with Malibu Barbie it would not matter to her because she has no soul , brain or heart.

But I do! I have feelings! I feel , hurt, and think. So I have made the big girl decision to not be friends with the past. The past is exactly that, the past its time to move on and onto better and new things. Kudos to those who are able to go through a relationship as easily as a pair of Trashy Lingere, I am that custom couture piece that is hard to find, but will withstand time.

Barbie Girl

Viagra helps depressed women…

When I turned on the the view and the topic was Viagra helps depressed women. For a moment I thought to myself that’s a no-brainer of course it does!

But as I continued to watch the show and logged on to AP.com I learned it was not what I thought it was. Viagra does not have the same effect on women as it does on men such as improving their desire or arousal (darn). But it does assist those who have developed sexual problems due to these anti-depressants resolve them by increasing the blood flow to these sexual organs.

According to a new study Viagra was said to help those women that were already taking anti-depressants and has also proven to assist pre-menopausal women with reaching an orgasm.

Previously taking anti-depressants myself I can understand many of these side effects and the very reason why I stopped taking them was for this very same reason. I think it is great that they have found a way to overcome one of the present side effects of these anti-depressants but many people are thinking that with this new information women well more likely be dependant on these anti-depressants and not wean themselves of the drugs.

One of the questions that they propose to women is, is it worth it?

Is this a lifestyle or medical necessity.

To date or not to date a male stripper?

So last week I decided to go out with be a good f*g hag and go with my friend to Hunters last Thursday night. He really did not have to twist my arm because it was male stripper night and Patrick’s Birthday.

Although it was a little different, I must say that it was quite comforting to actually have a beer with a friend, be surrounded by a bunch of men and not get hit on by some drunk annoying straight man with a cheesy pickup line! For the first time I was able to dance with a man, not feel pressured or care what I looked like or what he thought of me. I actually had a good time!

As the night progressed and the beers kept coming I eyed this one stripper, and decided I am going to do it I am going to stuff a dollar down his pants. As I stuffed the dollar bill or five in his pants I figured out he was digging me! Not hard to tell. We began to innocently flirt the duration of the night and before the the his shift was over  we talked for a few and exchanged numbers. I was amazed, because first of all I was not looking to meet someone and more importantly because who would think out of all places that I would be getting a guys number at an all male club.

He seemed like a nice guy, he was a stripper by night and had a job in the medical field during the day.He text me that same night  telling me that he got home safely and it was nice chatting and meeting but I am a little hesitant about calling him, because first of all he is a stripper and second of all he IS a stripper !

This goes to my first post of attracting the wrong men. I may not know much about dating and am definitely not one to judge a person based on his or her lifestyle, but my common sense is telling me a stripper is a bad idea. I don’t know what do you think? I mean I was not looking for it and once again this lands on my lap.(literally speaking)

Attracting the wrong men

Each time I go out I seem to attract the wrong men, the bad boys,the jocks, the ones who are looking to add another notch in their belts. I find my self sitting across from a young hot guy, who does not want to take off his baseball cap during dinner, who thinks the world should bow down to his muscles or good looks and the only thing on his mind is how many drinks is she going to cost me before I can take her home. I know many women might be saying then why complain?

Don’t get me wrong I am not looking to settle down, not right now, but I am looking for a night out on the town which involves, dinner, a glass of wine and intelligent conversation with someone who can start a conversation with something other than “hey ma whats good”.

Perhaps  the quality of men has lessened ,I have a magnet that attracts a lot of bull, or I am being just too picky. But I just keep on attracting the wrong men! Maybe I am not going to the right places to meet these men, but then again who is looking? I know I am certainly not.

Hes Just not that into you!

So, I am not going to lie, getting back into the dating scene after being in a committed relationship for 12 years has been anything but a bed of roses. It has been a roller-coaster ride full of confusion, tears, wasted time and did I say confusion? My biggest issue and question was how do you know if a guy is really into you?

Either

He’s not calling you

He’s not dating you

He’s not marrying you

He’s not introducing you to friends or family

He’s not making enough time for you

He’s not asking you out

I have spent countless amount of hours, days, tears, and time trying to figure this out; what went wrong over analyzing my thoughts and steps. It was only after speaking with other single women about their dating experiences is when I learned of a book titled he’s just , not that into you!, The no-excuses truth to understanding guys.

As I finished reading the last page , not only were my eyes forced open with a big dose of common sense but my heart was finally able to let go. Of the pain, self-doubt, low self esteem, heart break, regret. The words keep echoing in my head he was just not that into you!

Ladies i’m sure you have all been that certain point in you life where you are stuck on stupid, you know the type, the ones that say they will call you tomorrow and tomorrow never comes, do not introduce you to their family,have a lot of shit going on,are trying to get their lives together, who are trying to do the right thing for the both of you, the ones that are full of excuses. Well I am done with the excuses and ready to accept that some men are just not that into you.

Generally speaking I think its easy to get tied up in wanting the happily -ever- after but truth is, happily ever after is hidden far- far, away hidden between never-ever-land, and Cinderella’s castle. And that man, they all describe, the one with the perfect skin, perfect teeth, bulging biceps, and wonderful personality or as society likes to call him “Prince Charming is locked away in Rapunzel’s castle along with Mr. Right.

Mr wonderful is just another character in comic book! It’s time for strong, beautiful, intelligent women to stop putting up with his excuses and finally annihilate him. Its always good to be hit on the head with a book such as he’s just not that into you and be reminded that he’s just not that into you!

Its not because you are unattractive or not good enough but for the mere reason that he is just not that into you. So women stop wasting you time as I did, whether it was 3 months, 6 months, or even a year waiting for him to come-around because truth is he wont! Stop wasting your tears, words, thoughts, texts, calls, breath, and time on trying to figure it out. Get unstuck!

Phew that felt better!