Sealed with a kiss!

I keep getting comments from many of my readers such as “boy you are confused”, “take time for yourself” , “be alone”..And as I sat there waiting to respond.. I thought to myself..WAIT! Am I the only one that is confused? Aren’t we all? I can easily point the fingers at you and ask you do you always know what you want?

I mean isn’t life a process and confused is a BIG part of it? After instant messaging a “friend” and both agreeing that we were insane! , he told me that confusion is natural, if it did not exist in our daily lives we would not be living. So either I chose to live or don’t, Well, if you put it that way!

I may not know what I want but the one thing I do know is that I am living life. Sometimes you will be faced with that difficult decision of doing what is morally right vs doing what feels right. I am tired of following the status quo and I choose to follow my heart! I have done the “right” thing adhering to everyone elses standards and for those of you who may know did not end up on a good note.

Just because I choose to blog about it does not mean that I am a mutant to the adult world I guarantee that many of you have or currently are experiencing what I am going through right now (confusion ). Whether it is choosing your outfit for the day, if you are going to eat the salad or the burger, going to the gym or staying in, and relationships are a part of it!

Which leads me to my new set of blogs..Which will be a compilation of “rules” that I like to call the rules of dating or dating etiquette!

Rule number 1…

1. Does kissing him the first time, give him the right to kiss you a second time. Let me give you an example.

Example, you meet a guy and after several times of talking/meeting you develop this friendship that may or may lead up to something more. You decide to explore this further and go out on a date. The fact that you two had this strong intellectual and somewhat of a physical attraction leads you to believe that you two just might hit it off. The date goes well, and you are kind of feeling him and he is feeling you. After the second or third drink, you decide to take the next step and see if the intellectual attraction has the potential for a chemical attraction, you down a couple of drinks and and viola you kiss!

Umm wait a minute WTF happened?! That was like kissing my brother! (not that I have). You make up some excuse to part ways telling him that you are too tired for a night cap and think …Woah, that was Awkward,

So now here is the dilemma I am faced with. How can you tell him that! That you thought you may be into him but realized that you are not into him? Without hurting his feelings! You have established this friendship, you think he is cute, you like chilling with him but the chemistry is not there. You have now crossed the point of no return, messing up the “friendship” with a kiss.

The next time you see him, he tries to kiss you again, you pull away, Ok wait a minute, just becasue I kissed you the first time does not give you the right to think you can do it again, you pull away. Now I am upset are there any rules to this? The rules of kissing? Am I being difficult, even if I was into him, chemistry wise, just because we kissed once does not automatically give you an unlimited free kiss coupon. Is is just me? Are there rules when it comes down to this?
I mean it is not his fault, and I am sure, we have all done this at some point in our lives, but it just made me think..!

wo(men) are the new men!

After having a discussion with both my male and female friends I have come to the conclusion that women are the new men!

Once upon a time , a girl met a guy, if he caught her eye she  would innocently hike up her skirt , stick her chest out and flirt with her body language opening up the window of opporunity hoping that he would go up to her and initiate conversation. She would wait for him to ask her what her number was and then sit by the phone patiently waiting hours days or even a week for him to call.

WTF

Long gone are those days of women playing the whole damsel in distress ,that stupid girl! If I am interested in a guy, ill be damned if I wait for him to come up to me! I will down my martini, perk the babies up, and approach him with the uttermost confidence ever. What you see is what you get, I will not dumb down my role so that I can be approachable or get your digits.

As my BFF told me its now time for us to do them like they do us. Well what does that mean you say? Well upon receiving your number we will be the ones that will be doing the calling 2-3 days later leaving you to sit and wait by the phone. When we say we are going to call you back, who knows, maybe we will maybe we wont?! Lastly your number will be just a random number in our phonebook to only be looked upon when we are bored, have nothing better to do, or need to take care of business. I know what many of you may be thinking what a B-ch but wait am I really being one? Is this not what you do to us?

When things get too close for comfort maybe we will be the ones telling you that you are too emotional, will shut you out, or better yet disappear for a day or two claiming that we are too busy.

Why is it ok for guys to have all the fun and be deemed as a stud? As I sit here ignoring the many calls that I continue to get (I need to learn not to give out my number) trying to organize my phone book and figure out who is who ,I cant help but laugh and come to the realization women are the new men. So yeah maybe just maybe we are not here for you entertainment, you don’t really want to mess with us tonight!

I mean don’t girls just wanna have fun?

Either you get it or ..you don’t

As tired as I am, I must write on!

So for the past 3 days, I have not been able to sleep, not because there was anything wrong with me but because my new Viking blood sucking pal has really inspired me to research and write this next post!

For the past 3 days I have been staying up late at night ,talking texting instant messaging and going to sleep and waking up with one thing on my ,mind.HIM.! Yes ladies and gentleman I am smitten!

Now lets not get ahead of ourselves, I am still single! But he really made me wonder what is going on?

I am an avid believer in fate, chance and luck, and lately I have kind of been going with the flow but there is that one person that will hit you across the head with their words, mannerisms thoughts that make you think wow I really could dig “someone like you“. So what is this feeling called? Faith? Luck? Chance ? Chemistry

The fact that I have found myself talking to him till 2 a.m, getting giddy upon hearing his voice, or having a big cheesy smile when he sends me a text, story or pic freaks me out!! Now I don’t want to jinx anything and usually go with the flow ..but there is something, about this one… that really hit me out of left field. Chemistry, between two people what is it? Is it something that can felt instantly or does it transform over time? Is it something that should be felt upon contact, first glance, is it an intellectual attraction or is it something more!

Sure we have all seen a picture of someone and upon glancing at it may lust over someone, but once you pass phase one of musting up the courage, sending them that cheesy pick up line, and attempting to get to know someone, what happens beyond that point , the chemistry,is it truly out of our control? Chemistry is it “a process, or some spontaneous reaction that you either have or you don’t. Is it a matter of mixing the right chemicals, under the right temperature, at the right time or is something that just is.
Im sure we all felt it in high school , chemistry that is, the butterflies in our stomachs, the cheesy smiles upon hearing his or her voice, truly digging him or her! Sure it is acceptable during our grammar school years but when this spills over into the adult world what then? What is that called? Being a wuss? An overgrown dork.

Maybe its just me, or maybe the cosmic world is off whack but I can not remember the last time that I actually felt that chemistry that I described above until now (hence my lack of sleep). The best part is, that there has not been any physical interaction, no forcing of chemicals , it just is. This chemistry is one that is natural one that is being emitted via the phone, text or internet. Am I the only one out there am I being naive am I acting like a child? Is “this” feeling nuts?

I don’t know what it is and maybe just maybe I am not meant to figure it out but all I know is that I like this feeling. The talking to him hours upon end and not getting bored, thinking of him sporatically throughout the day, and actually getting it!

I can only imagine what it would feel like when we meet!

LOVE OR LUST

After having a discussion with Prince Todd the other day, we came across the topic of love and lust. Is there a difference between the two, does on supersede the other, and can the two be combined ? When does the logical overcome the emotional or vice versa?

I simply was commenting to him that I miss those moments when I look into a mans eyes into his soul and reach into his heart. I miss being in love. He then proposed the question were you in love? Huh? Well I thought I was until you asked me if I was .As the conversation progressed and he pointed out a few things about the male species, I began to doubt my feelings and wondered if I was in love or lust.

Lets look at the definition of each

Being in love is defined as:

sexual passion or desire

Lust

To have intense sexual desire.

Ok that does not really help!

His argument was humans have an innate animalistic characteristic’s, that we can not control and love unfortunately is not in them. Like a predator in the jungle we seek out our prey, chase it around for miles on end and once we have caught it, we either dispose of it or devour it until the next time we are hungry.

He continued to state that men and women are the same, we are attracted to our mate, are intreagued by the chase, the mystery ,the uncertainty but once we catch them does the interest die down? Thats where the whole was it love or lust comes in to play. Will you “love” him once the chase is over and you know you have captured them. When you know what they are truly about, will you still lust for them or move on to the next prey .. Hmm wow I never thought of it that way. Are humans made to fall in love or just to fall in lust?

I guess I would have to disagree with him, I believe that true love does exist . Love to me it was not being able to get him out of my mind even when he is gone, thinking of him day and night, smiling upon the very thought of him, and never getting tired of his kisses, words and touches. Lust is feeling your heart jump out of your body upon his touch, just getting exited at the very thought of him, smiling after having hot passionate sex . Are they really two separate emotions, or are they the same? Can you love someone you do not lust for or lust for someone you are not in love with?

When those hot passionate sex sessions turn into more than just the physical emotions and the words of F(k) me turn into words of make love to me. When both love and lust meet , and the chemistry between you explodes into an array of emotions, thoughts and desires that the mind can not comprehend , what do you call that?

So was I in love, or was I in love with the idea of him. I really don’t know!

Wake me up when September ends!

So , September brings on a whole slew of emotions including , drama, involving heartache, a friends ex boy -friend,decisions, and confusion! As I am letting go of the past and making space for the future, I have found myself in yet another romantic puzzle involving a good boy, bad boy emotional situation.

Imagine this, I have finally found the one, he respects me, listens to me, makes time for me , COMMUNICATES, understands me, reads my work! and does not judge me based on my past. (My Prince Charming) But as I sit there and think, am I really ready for this? Do I deserve to be his Cindarella? or am I that wicked witch that has the potential of breaking his heart. Coming out of a long term relationship and recovering from another heart ache? Am I ready?

Looking over my posts, I can tell that I am one confused gal. Often times going from wanting to be with someone yet enjoying the perks of “being alone” . As I sat there , my thumb over my crackberry ready to delete all the numbers of my “bad-boy” toys and give this nice guy my undivided attention, Something stopped me! I felt like the 30 year old bachelor who is not ready to let go of his little black book of conquests! I deleted some of them but not all!

So here I am faced with another predicament, is it just me, is it him , is it the timing, is it my cultural background, the fact that he is my friends ex, or is it the fact that I am torn between that good boy and bad boy! Am I ready to be the good girl that this good guy deserves who or does the bad girl in me still want to play the field and see whats out there? I enjoy your typical Prince Charming, who opens the doors for me, treats me with respect, calls me and texts me in the morning to say “hey, how are you?” But I also enjoy that unattainable artist, or Harley riding tattooed guy who you hear on rare occasion, unless its for a booty call, and has that no strings attached attitude. Is it just me? Am I truly confused? Is life meant to be this confusing?

There is a saying that goes “A women has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.” But isn’t that a low number?

Here I am faced with a the decision of wanting a good boy vs bad boy in my life! but my inner voice also tells me wait its too soon! A good friend of mine told me to wait it out, to let the wounds in my heart heal , then I will be able to make this decision with a clear conscience and mind. But the other side of me, the one that knows me and tells me to follow my heart is fighting with the logical.

Sigh, maybe I will keep actively dating, blogging and writing. Then only then will this decision be a little bit easier for me.