Friends with Benefits

You meet a guy, you go through the typical questions of getting to know each other such as what type of movies do you like, what do you do for fun and the dreaded question of what you are looking for in a relationship. Do I really have to go through this?! Instead of saying what I want to say, I usually answer with I like to go with the flow and see where things lead.

He proceeds to tell you that he is not looking for something serious but he is looking for a friend with benefits, a bed-buddy, no strings attached. OK what exactly does that mean?

At first I thought I knew what this meant and that men and women were on the same page as far as this is concerned but as I delved more into this topic, and asked a guy friends opinion on this topic I found out women and men are nowhere on the same page, not even in the same book! For a female, a friend with benefits usually means, he is someone we can talk to on occasion, share a glass of wine over interesting dinner, go to a movie now and then and end the night on a good note. But as I began to talk to one of my guy friends and he began to define his idea of a friend with benefits, I began to see things in a new light.

In his opinion a FWB means that you do not call him unless its time for you to Hook-up, you don’t text him to say how his day went or how e is feeling, unless its the day that you two are to hook up. He does not want to get emotionally involved and has no need to talk on the phone unless as I mentioned above, it is the day you two are supposed to hook-up. I had a hard time grasping this concept because as i woman I think its cold to not initiate any form of contact with the person that we have interest in, sexual or otherwise. As a matter of fact, I think its plain out rude!

I mean you invest all this time in getting to know him or her, you share somewhat intimate moments and we are not supposed to call you until we have the urge to scratch our or your itch? I’m sorry I have a problem with that, women can not turn the faucet on and off just like that, this hot and cold shit does not work with me. I think its better to keep the water temperature luke warm at least so when you jump into the water, its somewhat comfortable! Maybe I am basing my judgement on just a couple of men’s actions and words, but for the most part I have found the majority of men thinking along these terms.

That women are able to turn our sexual desires on and off at the drop of a dime. I have news for you ! Most of us cant! We need that occasional text, asking how are day was, or even that call to see what is going on. It does not mean that we are ready to settle down or start a relationship but it keeps our interest in you alive! Maybe I am just ranting and maybe I am just being naive to this whole idea but this girl does not get down like that!

Phone book frenzy

As I was talking to a co-worker the other night, about men, relationships and sex. I literally got hit on by five different men throughout the duration of that conversation! She then told me I can’t take you anywhere now a days can I?

I sat there, laughed it off and told her that although I somewhat like the attention, it can be a little bit bothersome at times ~ I surely do not seek it! She witnessed a little bit of what I endure on a daily basis and was amazed at how many lame and not so lame pick up lines/men I deal with. She then began to ask me how do you do it? I simply responded I am just being me.

The fact that I am enjoying life, and have that care-free attitude, it what lures people to me, i am not afraid to speak my mind, be a goof-ball, and just love me! There was a time in my life when I was full of self doubt, hung my head low had the whole woe is my line down to a “T”. Now that I have let the “real” me come out, the one who love me is when the phone book frenzy began. The countless numbers, many of the names I do not know, some I do no want to know and others are plain out trouble!

Which goes back to my most recent blog women are the new men! I can not help it, I am a social butterfly! Working in such a diverse environment and following my journalism nose, I run across the most interesting people from artists, to chefs, to poets, to writers, to businessmen etc.. I see a potential story in almost everyone I meet and It has become second nature for me to just to give or take an email or number, which eventually turns in to something another name in my phone book that may or may not be looked at!

She then asked me how do you keep all these numbers straight? You are like a guy! And as I was looking over my 300 something numbers, I thought to myself WOW! Maybe I am getting out of control. But am I? I mean guys have been doing this for ages and I am sure other women are doing the same thing but are just too afraid to admit it. Which goes back to the whole she is a slut

Come on women I know I am not the only one who has 6 or more Do not answer’s , (we did not know they would go nuts on us)3 different Tony’s, 2 different bartenders, and a slew of names that we cant even remember for the life of us. I think its pretty awesome that the tables have turned and, women are finally comfortable with collecting numbers and calling men on a need be basis. There is nothing wrong in admitting that! Isn’t that what being single is about?

So yeah rule 2. Phone etiquette!

You get his number, or you give him your number. What is the rule on how long he or you should wait before calling. I have had guys call or text me that same night, ones that wait till the next day , the typical 3-day-rule guy, and those that fall after that time line.

Does the “first” call set the bar for the rest of the relationship? I have found it to be that the one that calls that same day turns out to be a stalker, the one day guy can be a little pushy, the three day guy is a little confused, and the one that calls 4-7 days later is a player and your number probably got lost in the shuffle of women. Depending on my interest in the guy I have to admit I have probably done all of the above, I may text right away to say how nice it was meeting him, I may text 2 days later because I am involved in another mess, and well any time after that, those will be visited at a later time when I am bored. Does this rule exist, is there a calling rule after receiving or giving out a number?

I feel like I ranted with this blog , o WELL!