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Chicago, Dating, Relationships, Men, Women, Bad Dates, Attacting the Wrong men

The right one???

wait

OK so I know this blog will probably not make sense. I was  so upset that my fingers were not able to type in conjunction with my thoughts.

After eating dinner with yet …another male friend in my life,  we began to discuss new & old relationships, fresh and stale ones, break- ups a getting back into the dating scene after a heart ache. Ahhh jumping back on the saddle of love!

He began to tell  how much the dating scene sucks and how sick and tired he was of meeting the wrong kind of woman. (Sounds familiar!) As he continued to tell me about his dating disasters, ie… the older woman who is a  jealous , overbearing -materialistic psycho , or the young hot woman who knows that her biological clock is ticking yet does not have the brains to even tell time, I began to compare his experiences to mine.   As I asked him questions such as what he was looking for in a partner , and what his ideal woman or relationship is, his response was  at he was not looking for any type, but simply looking for “the  right one”. The right one?

Uh oh Pandora’s box has opened. The right one? What exactly does that mean? Do we as human beings have a predetermined image or idea of who the right woman or man is for us? Does this mean that he or she has to fit a certain physical characteristic, have the brains of Einstein, is career driven or homeward bound. What exactly does this mean? You can tell he struck a nerve in me. He laughed as I began to spit off these questions above. Well how do you know?

You just know. he said….

How do you just know? How do you know that it is love and not lust, that your friendship should be more..that he or she is the one you want to spend the rest of you life with?

Great another unwritten rule in this crazy game of love…. A game that I am tired of trying figure out.

Lets see what determines him or her being the right one? The Yin and Yang of love…When we find that one person who meets all our physical expectations but not our emotional ones is he the right one? When we find the one who is financially stable yet is down and out in the sexual attraction category is he the one? Or how about the one who keeps your interest intellectually, romantically and  emotionally yet does not want to commit to you, is he the one?

So basically according to his theory there is a man or woman out there for you, the “right one”, you just cant seek him out, or have an image of him,  and you just need to have faith and believe that you will find each other.So great now faith  is playing a game with my life and heart? ! faithI do believe that things will work out in the end, but I do find it hard to believe that faith is  holding my prince charming for ransom until it is ready to relinquish him?

How about this one, you have the right one in the palm of your hands but because you are unsure of what it is you are looking for, or  because of your preconceived ideas of what the right one is, you throw him or her away to only realize years later he or she was the one ?

My point to all this rambling is,maybe he is right, maybe we should go with our gut feeling and stop seeking perfection..If it feels right then, just go with it..

January 22, 2009 - Posted by colomitalia | Men, Relationships, colomitalia, dating | , , , , , | 5 Comments

5 Comments »

  1. I choose to believe that there is more than ‘one’ – but only one at any given time. Timing is everything, but it seems impossible that in this huge world, full of people, there could be only ONE person meant for us. If that was the case, I’m not sure anyone would ever find him or her….

    Comment by Single Girl | February 1, 2009 | Reply

  2. Personally, I don’t believe in fate and soulmates. I used to but only for awhile. I agree with the fact that you would just know, it’ll just feel right. But I don’t believe in the one, I do however believe in the right one. The right one can be anyone and with time, location or whatever happening that occurs you might suddenly find yourself holding the right person in your arms even though you felt that they were wrong ages ago. :)
    P.S. I like your blog, it’s entertaining and full of personality.

    Comment by satirized | February 1, 2009 | Reply

  3. I think I am starting to believe the same thing, the more I get out there i am realizing a specific person is thrown into your life for a reason, to either enlighten u, make you happy short or long term.
    But maybe it is timing, location, and place, maybe the one person who is not for you now may just be later on in life. Only time and experience and life can determine that

    Comment by colomitalia | February 1, 2009 | Reply

  4. Totally agree with you. I learned a thing or two from every relationship I had. Though it doesn’t guarantee me from not making the same mistakes again and again.

    Just that sometimes I think to myself… if that person supposed to be in my life just to teach me something, and not meant for me… why did I have to fall so hard for him? Yes, there were some whom I can easily say goodbye to.But there were also those few very special people whom the very thought of them still make my heart feels so heavy. I am so tired of picking up the million pieces of my heart and bandage them back. Even when I managed to over time, the cracks are still there. sigh.

    I’ve been listening to India Arie’s song “The Heart of the matter” lately. I know she is right… it’s all about forgiveness. But when you have forgiven that person yet still find yourself wanting him, what must you do then?

    Comment by Mikaela | March 3, 2009 | Reply

  5. With each relationship I learn a new thing about men, dating, and even myself. But I think that is what is meant to happen.

    Why did I have to fall so hard for him_sigh, I can relate Mikaela. I rarely fall for men, but there was and is that one man that I could never have. The infallible man, that we put up on a pedestal and worshiped the ground he walked on. The one man who we thought would be our forever and turned out to be a lesson learned. The one that provoked us to act out of character and made us do stupid things .

    I understand your pain, and it sucks when you give a person your heart and they do what they please with it. I think the cracks are there to remind us never to do the same mistakes again. I have to listen to that song.
    But you should forgive yourself, not the other person. For what ever reason you are seeking forgiveness we should remind ourselves that we are only human.

    Comment by colomitalia | March 3, 2009 | Reply


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