Men being abused??!!?!
While I was doing my crunches at the gym today, I happened to glimpse at the the TV and the topic on some morning talk show was Men Being abused. I jumped off my bouncy ball and my ears and eyes perked up with interest.Anyone who knows me knows why this is a sensitive subject and exactly why I am blogging about this.
Domestic Violence ; that elephant in the room that exists yet everyone is ashamed and afraid to talk about it. NOT until now that is! Not until a celebrity hits another celebrity is when people actually start taking interest in the subject! Now its news worthy..So back to that show, some idiot scholar on the show with his magical research went on to discuss his messed up hypothesis that women are the culprits behind most of the violence. If I am not mistaken, his exact words were that 70 percent of women provoke these DV occurrences. Wow he has numbers to prove it. Then he went on to state that men are also being abused in relationships yet they are too ashamed to admit it. O OK Ill give him that im sure a woman hitting a man desmasculates him, but i mean come on Women provoking a DV occurrence..That’s a crock of SHIT. If we believe his hypothesis then we would be admitting that men are heathens that are not capable of controlling themselves and lack the brain power to take control of their emotions. Just because a person upsets you, does deem you to be GOD, and allow you to punish a person! Shit if that true in my life, do you know how many people I would love to beat down?! I work in customer service I deal with idiots that provoke me everyday! DO you see me on the news pulling out a can of whup ass!
As the show continued this man continued to put his foot in his mouth and and following his 70 percent of women statement, these words came out of his mouth. “Don’t get me wrong, no one deserves to get abused but the reality is that many men are being provoked into hitting a woman! WOW! I had to take a minute and remind myself that we are in 2009 and the the fucking 1890’s!
They might as well have titled the segment Women who speak up, deserve an ass whupping!
I’m sure there are some crazy women out there that do hit their men, but I am going to have to disagree with this idiot. Women are biologically made smaller than men, we do not have testosterone and muscles even if I was Little miss Bad ass and wanted to beat my man, chances are, he would have me on the ground in 0.0 seconds. I am not saying women are better than men, I am just disagreeing with the statement that women provoke men. GOD or whomever gave us brains lets use them!!!
I’m sure that this topic is being explored because of “alleged” Chris Brown and Rhianna incident making headlines but I mean come on Men being abused? I’m sorry I don’t buy it! First off, it is sad to say that the only reason that this is making the news is because a celebrity battered another celebrity big F’n deal! There are thousands if not millions of women being battered and killed everyday and do you hear about these women? Don’t get me wrong, my heart goes out to Rhianna and I DO KNOW how she feels but what urks me is how the media is using this topic as material for their talk shows! COME ON PEOPLE!
ok off to work im sure i will edit this soon!
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About
Natalia
Am I single? Yes
Do I want a boyfriend? Maybe
What am I doing today? Writing
What Nationality am I ? Colombian Italian
Whats good ma? HUH?
What do I do in my spare time? Write
Why am I single? Good question
Ok there goes all the answers to the common myspace messages that I have been getting.
Now for those of you who want to know more :
I am a freelance journalist who is very passionate about her craft. My writing reflects my many interests and personalities. I can easily shift from writing poetry, to reviews,to subjective and objective articles. I live my life to the fullest with no regrets and I say what I mean and mean what I say. I cut through all the red- tape and like to get to the heart of things. The truth is what I seek, and yearn. I don’t like to commit to one genre because there are so many talented individuals that each posses a unique quality. Side note: I am not a girlie girl and you will often times see me in my pony tail, jeans, and CHUCK TAYLORS!
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Let me first start out by saying that i agree with the majority of your statement, and yes the media is just using this as material and couldnt give two sh1ts about the subject. But ive noticed that more and more men are being abused now-a-days because alot of us were trained from an early age not to hit women and if you do you are a punk!! so we keep that in the back of our heads, but lets be honest…from my personal experience there is i fine line between abuse and defending yourself, yes men are bigger and stronger, but after a few beatings and after you try to avoid an argument and leave one room after another and she constantly follows you and yells and then hits you and wont stop and slaps you in your right ear and pops your ear drum there is only so much you can take, you cant be mohammad ali and do the “rope-a-dope” forever thats when some men hold their women down or push them up against a wall holding her hands untill she calms down. but that is still considered “abuse” by the man. NOW domestic violence is a sick thing and no woman or man should be subjected to that, its wrong no matter who does the hitting, it is after all a 2way street not a 1way. take care
Hi anonymous!
Yes there is a fine line, and it is a two way street. JUst like the cliche goes, there is an exception to every rule and there are some women that do need to take their crazy pills. I am referring to the men that take advantage of their manliness.. I guess you would have to sit there and define defending yourself, what are you exactly defending yourself from. ie Her mouth ? Her weak punches? In my eyes abuse is inflicting harm , or restraining a “person” in any way shape or manner. So yeah holding a woman down, in my eyes is a form of abuse. I have lived through that and let me tell you that has affected me so much that I am now claustrophobic human interaction issues such as crowds, cuddling or being held..etc…
You have feet right? Use them WALK AWAY-this is not directed towards you lol..
i can see this is going to be a one sided conversation with you, but women are not the only “victims” in domestic abuse!!
We will agree to disagree then. But yes women are not the only ones…
Wow. I just found this site after doing a google search for a related topic. I must say that I am surprised at what I am reading. Since nine months have passed since this was written I hope that the author has been able to gain some more perspective on the issue. I do wish to speak to this article and will do so in parts.
It was written that only when a celebrity has been assaulted does the general public take notice of the situation. I am Canadian and I have noticed that significant changes have been made in my country over the past 20 years in education, support, law enforcement, etc. for domestic violence. These changes have been gradual, and is really noticed when we look at snapshots in time: now to 20 years ago. I agree with the author that it’s not ideal, but it’s a very big stretch to say that people have not been noticing it until now.
If the person presenting research suggested that, as you say, “that women are the culprits behind most of the violence”, I agree with you that this is difficult to believe. I agree with you that we are all people, and if we are grown up enough to be in a relationship, we should be grown up enough to control our selves. We are responsible for our actions, not other people. Someone may provoke you, but the decisions to assault someone is the sole responsibility of the person committing the crime. I don’t believe that anyone wants to be hit: men or women.
I disagree with two statements:
(1)”Women are biologically made smaller than men, we do not have testosterone and muscles even if I was Little miss Bad ass and wanted to beat my man, chances are, he would have me on the ground in 0.0 seconds.”
(2)”I’m sure that this topic is being explored because of “alleged” Chris Brown and Rhianna incident making headlines but I mean come on Men being abused? I’m sorry I don’t buy it!”
For the first statement, you are drawing a conclusion based on generalities, and then use yourself as an example. Women are generally smaller than men. It is not correct to say that women do not have testosterone, and no muscles (what I assume you mean to say not as much muscles). There is something that is basically flawed in the point you are trying to make. I believe that you are trying to say that because of testosterone and muscles, men are more likely to abuse women, and if a woman was getting along those lines, the man would easily be able to defend himself.
The point I wish to make is: hormones and muscles cannot predict if someone is abusive or not. The choice for someone to be abusive (sexually, emotionally, physically) is about power. It’s power over another person. Hormones and muscles are two things that can give a person power, but someone without these two things can still be abusive. If one person has power/control over another (with hormones/muscles, or without) the opportunity is there for abuse to happen. Power manifests itself in many ways, including the traits shown by someone with a lot of testosterone and muscles.
For the second statement – I admit I found that the most shocking. Men are abused everyday. Likely not as frequently or as intensely as women are, but it still happens. Medically speaking, abuse falls into three categories: physical, sexual, emotional/psychological. Just as abuse is based on power and control over another person, anyone can exert that power and control over another person; men on women, and women on men. There are many tactics that abusers use on their victims. If you search Google with “abusers tactics” you will see a list of sites that describe what I am talking about.
Abuse happens regardless of gender, but I also believe that women are abused more then men are. However, men are abused by women – and by other men, just as women are abused by men – and other women.
Abuse needs to first be understood in terms of control and power first, then looked at with inequalities between gender or sex.
I will reply to this as soon as possible
My point behind this post was the recent hype or attention that the media has brought to it. Over the past 9 months they have sensationalized the whole Rhianna and Chris Brown case which is upsetting. I guess it is better late than never but in all fairness DV has been around for decades. This should have been done years ago. Yes there has been a vast improvement in education as well as awareness but in my eyes not enough.
Not until now did Oprah, the news networks,radio and the public eye take a great interest. Why now.. Why the recent exposure, interest, intervention and education. Perhaps if the media hype would have existed in the past we would have less cases of DV.
Many women such as myelf were too ashamed, afraid or even clueless as to what to do about it. I merely wish they would have talked about it 5 years ago when I was going through it. (yes I am a little bitter)
I admit I was being biased in this post, but I am only human. For someone such as myself DV is not a statistic,or just another story. It was a part of my life. Its hard to turn these emotions off and not get involved especially since it was a part of my life for 11 years.
Yes I was being one-sided when I brought gender into the whole equation. I was merely stating that “most” women are not able to defend themselves,even if they do “provoke” men.
I agree with you that violence against women is a largely unreported issue by media. Fortunately, supports in communities get stronger over time, and more people come out and speak up about abuses. I was in Guyana two summers ago, and my cousin when hit by her husband. Over there violence against women is socially acceptable, and people turn a blind eye to it. I was infuriated that a man would hit a woman to control her. I think the progress made in Canada and the US is commendable, relative to other places in the world. Women’s rights need to improve significantly over the entire globe.
It’s interesting that you mention Oprah and her taking notice. I am almost 100% certain I’ve heard that she was sexually abused as a child. There should be numerous reports out there (on the internet) about it. Sadly, even with all of Oprah’s power and influence, her abuses are so deep, she very rarely talks bout them.
There are women who are close to me who have been abused in the past. Abuse is never easy to deal with or think about and it changes you inside. I, myself, have faced abuse.
I have enjoyed talking with you about this topic, and here is something that you may wish to discuss more with me: Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren. There is a lot of media attention about it, and it was speculated that she went after him with a golf club. Cases like this are commonly covered up by those involved, mainly the men who don’t want to seem like less than a man for being the recipient in these scenarios. What do you think about this case?
I hope you have a great day.