How to mend a broken heart…

This question has been posed in many times and many ways…

Alas the post I have been trying to avoid. How do you mend a broken heart? Come guys and gals? We have all been there , in love. When we thought we found “the one “to only find out he or she was just another someone.

I think Al green posed this question  best in his song
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again!

Well how can you? There are some people that say dating is the key, others that say that you should let time heal all wounds and  others that tell you to take time to yourself..But the reality is that I did not want to do those things. I did not want to wait, nor did I  want to force another relationship, nor did I want to be alone and think about him all the time..I just wanted a quick fix! Well, there is no quick fix,you can not force yourself to heal..Otherwise you would be some type of superhero..and thats a different story. The only thing you can do is be patient and believe that later down the road you will take off those rose colored glasses and see things for what they are. You will realize why he was not the one for you and thank the relationship gods for taking you out as soon as they did..So here i am, glasses in hand and able to see how dumb I was! I am 6months post heart ache and am ready to take the lead role in my so called love life. So how did I do it?

Well, I did all of the above;I dated, took time for myself and added one more thing to the list I began to read! And you know what they worked! Dating made me realize what I did or did not want in a man, taking time to myself allowed me to open up to new friends , thoughts and ideas   reading allowed me to understand . 

Dating: Weather you are ready to do it or not you have to get him out of your system. You have to allow yourself to feel, heal and laugh. I am not saying you are going to meet Mr. Prince Charming but you will find out that there are a lot of good guys out there. Although you may not be ready for him you have to get through a few bad apples in order to find that nice juicy one.

Alone time: I am not talking about secluding yourself from the world, just from dating. There has to be a time when you sit back and reflect and get to know the new you.  This is best done by surrounding yourself with a few good friends. Although alone time is good, sometimes its good to hear things from a different perspective. In my case I had a really good guy friend when I was on this road of self discovery. It was comforting to hear things from a mans point of view and his honesty is what allowed me to see things face value. 

Feeding your mind: As mentioned, I began to read a lot of self help books. These are ones I recommend..

Hes just not that into you

Its called a break up because its broken

God winks on love

Why men love bitches

The Manual

Act like a man think like a lady

After reading all these books I began to understand men and women are never going to see things eye to eye. It allowed me to open up my wounds, realize that I was an idiot and that life will go on! After doing all of the above, when the X-heartache came into my life this last time, I was able to go up to him, strike up a conversation and pretend that our past relationship did not hurt me. Sure I walked away and broke down in tears but it was something I had to do..

So can you mend a broken heart? The answer is yes! Hope that it works for you..

Hes Back

So an ex is in town and it is taking my all to not call, text or even bother with him. But honestly , it is hard!

I made the mistake of  contacting the past yet again and ironically was having a great repertoire with  him a week before he was coming back into town. No sooner did he get my hopes up , he disappeared! Which now  has left me with this empty hole inside my heart. Granted I should have known better and should not have gotten my hopes up but as usual i fell into his dysfunctional trap. He entertained me yet again with the idea of him and possibly meeting  up with him while he was in town and just before I could absorb it all up ..Bam he disappeared. Contact on his part diminished and I was left wondering what I did wrong? We had a great conversations between us for two whole months before his arrival and a week before he was supposed to hop on a plane his instant messages, picture msgs and texts stopped! WTF happened? Did I do something wrong? I don’t get it!!!!!

Did he do this on purpose?

Why is it that men like to play this game! Because we allow it? Because they can get away with it? It frustrates me that this whole cat and mouse thing . Why work me up for a couple of months or so and when it is time to step up to the plate you chicken out? So I am left with this question ..Was it a test and what should I do? Should I pretend he never came and that our conversations were just made up in my head? Or should I play into this game of cat and mouse…ARGH I just want to scream!