I am just not that into you.

Ladies, Ladies and men PLEASE listen. When a man or woman is interested in you , you will know. There is no need to hound, stalk, text, obsess, wonder , worry, question , over-analyze or try to convince them of this. Either they are interested or not, it’s as simple as that!

Now this applies to both a casual meeting and something a little bit more serious.  For now, I am focusing on the initial, not so serious meetings..

Casually speaking..You meet someone at the bar, online, or whatever your seduction spot is. You entertained an hour-long conversation at the bar, you exchanged several emails back and forth or the sexual chemistry that night was seeping out of your pores. You were really impressed with him or her and send a courtesy text the next day; they respond.Days turn into weeks and now you are Facebook friends.  You two have been having pleasant conversations and  you want to see where this goes.

You then pop the question of wanting to see them, I mean why wouldn’t they want to. But instead of getting a response, you get silence. You give it a couple of days to respond still nothing, so you call. No response, you then text, he or she responds. You ask again. Silence..You rationalize the situation and blame it on them ”being busy”. Don’t! Just because this first point of contact may have been a pleasant one this does not mean that the person is interested.  For whatever reason, they just aren’t interested in getting to know you. Just because the planets were aligned on that specific day and lust was in the air, does not mean its going to linger for days on end..I know what you are saying, why not say something, we are all adults. Well, there are several reasons . The main one being people are afraid of hurting other people. Sure they enjoy your conversations, texts and chats, but that’s as far as it goes and you need to be able to pick up on these signs.

What are the signs? To see if a woman or man  is interested or not.

 1. First clue being do they return your calls or texts in a timely manner? I mean sure you got their number and vice versa, but just because you now have their contact information does give you the right to call them and text them all the time. And if they are not responding to your texts till hours or days later, they are not interested..

2.  If they are not answering or returning your calls, chances are they are not going to Facebook, yahoo or chat with you. So please don’t try another form of communication..They are not interested.

3.  They are never available and always busy. Giving you verbal clues such as,  I’m busy. I’ve got to a lot of things on my plate, they don’t get back to you right away. Believe me when I am interested in someone I will make the time. I don’t care if I had a horrible not so good very bad day. On the contrary I will want to talk to him after these days.

I know some of you may be asking why are you even writing this or why not tell them you are not interested. Well, in my own ways I have! But for some reason men seem to try to convince me otherwise. They want to convince me why I should give them a chance.

I can not even tell you how many “Do not Answers” I have in my phone book, or how many people I have had to block from my chat. I am a social person, I like to talk to people. I have no problem making friends and giving out my number after having a great conversation. But just because I gave you my contact information that does not mean I am interested..Interest is something merely exists, not something that will exist over time.

Bruised but not broken

Thanks M- for the inspiration!

You are in a relationship that may not be so good for you. But for argument’s sake, you can not get out of it. Whether it be a financial, domestic, children, or an emotional situation. For whatever reason, you have boarded that relationship plane and are thousands of feet in the air. After half an hour of a turbulence free flight, the  air pressure in the cabin begins to drop. Your smooth flying is now interrupted with a series of air pockets and you are now on a rollercoaster of emotions. Soon after, the pilot announces that your plane has run out of fuel and you trip to utopia is now being rescheduled with a crash landing. You begin to panic and think of an exit strategy.

 The emergency door does not open and you are forced to sit in your seat with the seatbelt fastened. You look to your left  your past is staring you right in your face. On the  right you impending future. What do you do?  Just before your airplane is about to crash into the abyss of the unknown, superman flys to your seat extending his hand out to you.

You take one final look at your situation baggage and issues in hand desperately trying to make sense of the situation. You are now forced to make a decision.  Do I take Clark Kent’s hand and fly off into the sunset, or do I assume the crash position and hope; no pray, that everything will be ok.  This is a dilemma that many of us are faced with. This is was so unexpected, you need more time. So , you decide to pick up that Harlequin novel that you purchased and begin to read.

You begin to  get lost in the novel and you lose the sense of the situation at hand. You are now faced with fact vs fiction. Do you choose to live the fantasy of a new life leaving your past behind or do you deal with the cards you were dealt with.

I don’t really have an answer and in my case I did both. Getting married and pregnant at the age of 16 forced me to deal with a lot of situations/emotions in my life. There came many points in my life when I was forced to choose between my fantasy and nonfiction. There were times when I chose to play  the lead role in that Harlequin novel that was my so-called life.  I am not going to lie, it felt good, at the time. It felt good to escape my sorrows or that imminent plane crash and if only for a moment , live life. One of many moments. But like the saying goes, all good things come to an end. Just as I was about to turn the final page in that novel, the capt requests you to prepare for impact.

Shit! You soon realize the obvious! That novel that you were so engulfed in has reached the end. And that plane  that you are on is going down.

Although I don’t really have an answer. All I can say is that if you are afraid of flying do not board that plane. Translation if you are not happy with your life, maybe its time to start a new one. Alone! Don’t wait for superman to come save you. Don’t try to escape from your current situation with a fantasy, don’t put yourself in a predicament that will impede your judgement. Take the driver’s seat and be proactive.Take some flying lessons, bring a parachute ,whatever it is..Take  the time to figure out what you want.

Be your own superhero and write your own Novel. Chances are you will have that happy ending..

Online Dating, an addiction waiting to happen?

There once was a time when computers did not rule our lives and meeting someone was more of a physical concept than a virtual one. Now-a-days virutal is King. Our lives are ruled by chats, skype, emails, youtube and online dating, or in my eyes, serial dating.

It just sounds too easy ! You post a pic, men or women contact you and you find your soul mate? I mean can you really find your soulmate online? Call me old fashioned but  I am just getting to the point where this doesn’t cut it.  Sure there are exceptions to the rule. But the whole concept of online dating ..Is it an addiction waiting to happen? Better yet heartache waiting to happen?

Lets just explore the facts. You happen to be a busy person, and online dating is the way to go. You are tired of the bar scene, have ruled out church and the library as a meeting place and are just ready to take thinkgs slow..  You meet a great guy or girl , happen to hit it off and BAM you are starting to  like your new online buddy. You go on countless amount of dates and think that things are going only well.. NOT. Temptation tempts you to go back online. Weather it be to see what else is out there or to see if he still has his profile up. Whatever the reasons are, you are back at it.  Not only are you faced with a new set of demons but you  now realize that your significant other is still  out there looking. Umm what?   I mean isn’t the purpose of online dating “to cut through the bull and find someone” not one of many someones? If you are using online dating as your main source shouldn’t you know what you want?

 Sure, we are all free to do what and whom we please.  But shouldnt there be a point in the courtship when you take your profile down and see if he or she might have any role in your future? Now it does not have to be a serious one, but  why run the risk of chancing it! Why stare tempation in the face and challenge it? History or Fable shows what Eve’s outcome was in that situation. 

All I am saying is that online dating is an addiction.  The chances of making  a relationship work based on this very concept are very low.  Now there are those who may disagree with this and say that there is always an exception to the rule. But those are few and far between.  It’s just too easy to cheat. For my own sake, I hope that I am wrong.

That is all for now..

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Let me count the ways..Breaking up, how to do it?

Dear John

The time has come when the relationship must end, I am sorry but this is just not working for me. It’s not you its me. I need time to figure things out..

Look all too familiar? Yep that is one way how to break up. Not the most kind of ways, but hey it’s better than texting or Facebooking. Guilty as charged!

But in all seriousness what is the best way to break up with someone. Is there a good way to break up with someone. Let me count the ways, text, phone,e-mail, silence in person? Yep guilty as charged

When it comes down to breaking up with someone, let’s face it. We would rather take the easy way out. But sometimes easy isn’t necessarily right.  I guess it depends on the situation and person. And if you have been reading my blogs, I find myself  in many situations. I am not condoning what I did or saying it is right. I can only state what and why I did it..

Break up plan one 1

The text:

Yep I did it. But in all fairness, either dude was a creep , arrogant or just not someone I respected.  This should be used when you are not that serious about someone or he is too serious about you. Either way you two have had a couple of dates, maybe an intimate encounter or two, but for whatever reason, (maybe he turned crazy) you just are not feeling him. Better sooner than later. A text along the terms of ” This is not working” or  in my case  my most recent text and I quote “Please delete my number and cease all contact with me.” 

 Sounds harsh, I know. But he was pushy and a plain out JERK. He would text me during random hours of the night, had no respect for me as a woman and was very chauvinistic.

The second time I did this was with a guy who did not take ” I need space, seriously” I will discuss that later on.

Should only be used for

The arrogant man

The Jerk

The Macho Men

 The clown

Plan 2: Silence

Can be combined with or in lieu of plan 1. As mentioned before, you went on only two dates, Maybe 3, Minimal conversations were had and lets face it, he turned out to be a little off his rocker. If he is just not respecting you, or refer to above, you are not feeling it. Sometimes, silence is the best plan of exit. I mean really if he is calling or texting on booty call hours,does he even deserve more than that. Either way you don’t respect the person. Also applies to

Creep

Jerk

Arrogant or Macho Man

Plan 3

The call

For whatever reason you know that texting and silence are not going to work . Or you were a little bit more invested in the relationship and thinks he deserves a little more. It’s best to pick up the phone with your pride in hand and do the right thing. The pro of a call being that you can talk about things and give the other person a little bit of closure.  The only downside to this is them trying to talk you into changing your mind, guilt or the phone call may never end.  NOT FUN! If someone is picking up the phone to break up with you, the have thought about this more than once. The last thing we want to hear is why you are such a wonderful person to be with.  You trying to convince us to stay, will only work against you. It will be a sign of weakness and only reassure us that what we are doing is right.

Should be used for

The man you once cared for

Someone you respect

or are Serious with

Do it in person.

“No one wants to hear the relationship is over the phone or via email.” I would only do this if you were in a mature committed relationship and have strong feelings for the person. And by mature I mean that you both have respect for one another and know that this is respectful/ best way to give both of you the closure that you need. Who knows maybe that is not what you really wanted. I know this may be difficult to do, but it really is the best, especially if you want to remain friends later on in the future.

The email Facebook or any other form  of electronic mail.

This should only be done when all the other ways have been exhausted and you know that the person will not and has not accepted the break up. In the letter try to be as detailed as you can explaining why it is not working for you and do not leave any open-ended questions or room to respond .  This is my last and final resort. I was forced to do this when he did not listen to my phone call, did not respect my text about needing space and well I could not do it in person because it would have gotten ugly. No matter how hard I tried to explain things to him, he did not accept the break up.

 Reason number two for doing this. I could not find the words to do it or I simply was confused. Go figure!