What’s right is write.

 Just when you think you have found the strength to move on to the final round and have figured things out in this “game called life”; confusion sneaks up on you.  She proceeds to pitch that final yet deadly fast ball during the final inning  and it is now up to you to make a decision. A decision that involves hitting that deadly fast ball or avoiding it entirely and striking out.

Ok I know I am not good at this baseball analogy but it’s the only thing that came to mind. Allow me  to  set the game up for you. You are recovering from a previous relationship. A relationship that left you with an empty soul and empty heart. A relationship that was filled with lies, mind games and abandonment.  After several years of tears and the pain finally subduing you get a hold of your heart. You  are able to piece  yourself together and find the new you.

 New you is confident, strong and ready to  finally let  other players into the game. Player’s that are sincere,  honest and fill the game with moments of happiness and laughter. But every so often, there is that one player that will throw you off your game. He will bring old feelings to surface and will bring an all too familar feeling to mind.   Although new you does not want to be negative nancy. By habit, you look back into the past and acess the current situation. Several red flags are raised and your paranoia sets in. Every part of you wants to run, but there is a small part of you that does not want to forfeit the game just yet. What is right thing to  do ? Do you base your decisions on past experiences and pull out or jump into something whole heartidly with no regrets. 

Old me would tell you to dive in that  shallow water head first. Even though the water may or may not be shallow, at least you are living. New me, on the other hand is on the fence. Part of me says to  to step aside and let that ball pass me by? But then again, old me says it’s not fair.  I know what you may be thinking  just because your last relationship ended in tears does not mean new one will. But on the other side of the spectrum, if you know what the outcome is going to be, why even bother renting the movie.

 I guess I am trying to figure this one out but is it fair to pre-judge your current and future situations based on past ones or should you live in the moment. Should you put conditions on a relationship when you don’t even know what the outcome will be. I don’t know I guess it seems as if the game is getting old and  there are just new players on the field.  

 Even though you try to convince yourself otherwise, you still have those feelings of doubt, fear, confusion and mistrust imbedded in you. You have played this game before and deep down inside are tired of playing it. You know  that smile will eventually fade and that navigation system  is going to eventually tell  you to TURN AROUND .

   This post is dedicated to my friend (k)I know that we have all been hurt before. I know how it feels to be afraid to live and love again but you can’t give up on the game just yet. Just because the last turn out may have not been a pleasureable one, this new one is not going to be the same. We are all left with a  decision; go left or right, up or down. And in this case a decision that will leave you with the question of  following what feels right vs what is right.  I wish I had an answer. I wish I could say that everything is going to be ok. But Life is not written and the game can go any way. In this case, I will be strong and not let my emotions get tangled up in the game of relationships; honestly it is a difficult thing to do. This is why I write about it.