Damaged goods?

When I initially started writing this post, I had no idea where I was going with it.

All I knew was that another Holiday had passed and the Holiday blues were setting in.  I not only began to shed a tear each time those stupid Jared commercials ran but I was feeling the pressure to commit from my friends, family etc.  As  I sat there psychoanalyzing myself getting nowhere fast! I began to ask myself, am I damaged goods? Does the fact that I am a 31-year-old single mom, make me undesirable or wrong?

While many of my friends around me are getting engaged , married, and divorced, I was embracing my singleness. Although I was happy, I began to feel the pressures that society has put on many of us that are over 30 and single. I began to feel  like I was the alien who had lost her way and was following this backward  path in life.   The truth is I know where I am going and why I am doing it.

Whether it be a fear of commitment, not finding the right man, focusing on my career, children etc.. I am happy right where I am at! For those of you that disagree I am going to quote my friend and  fellow sex columnist Jon Ibraham ,” The real issue is the sad truth that the general population believes that if you’re in your late 20s or early 30s and  still single there must be something wrong with you -”NO THERE ISNT!

! Just because I am single does not make me less of a person, less desirable BROKEN or otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to have a life partner but I don’t want just any partner!I guess I am still trying to find my place in this world, still trying to find my dream job, my dream man, be set financially, and emotionally. But far from damaged.

Single by choice, not by circumstance!

 

Read more: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/sex-on-fire/2010/11/being-single-doesnt-mean-youre-broken.html#ixzz16ilFLIfa

 

 

The tighter the hold, the faster they fold.

You are on a date and are gazing into your lovers eyes. You are deep in thought when the sexy waitress plants her boobs next to the side of ranch or blue cheese dressing. She begins to flirt with your man and you try to ignore it. But the fact that your undivided attention is being taken away by a pair of Double D’s upsets you. You  try to regain control of the situation and non-verbally let this chick know that he is yours. You grab your partner’s arm ,plant a kiss on his lips, or express any other non-verbal clue letting your competition for the night know that “hey back off”

Or on the extreme side of things… You find out your significant other is talking to a member of the opposite sex,to what extent you don’t know.  But lets just say they are just  friends. You disapprove of this friendship and go ape-shit crazy on them! You forbid your man or woman from talking to him or her again, marking your territory. This scenario can be played out in so many ways but lets just go with these .

Whether its  holding your significant others hand a little tighter, letting your jealousy show or  posting your “I’m in a relationship status” on a social networking site, we all posses the need to protect what is ours.   But is it really necessary? And when does it not become ok to let the world know hey he or she is mine!

I used to be that girl, the one who was jumping up and down the table yelling PICK ME , PICK ME! But after I regained my self-confidence, I began to realize how stupid I looked.  I mean what was I doing?! Did I really think that holding on him a little tighter would prevent him from straying? The tighter the hold, the faster they fold!

I now see this obsession with marking ones territory  spilling online and honestly its got to stop . Its one thing to fool yourself in front of one person but to fool yourself to thousands? Not cool!  Call me old-fashioned but I don’t think that a man or woman  should be letting the real or  social networking world know that they did the filthy mcnasty  just the other night! Can you say lame! I am all about freedom of expression, but there is a fine between speaking ones mind and seeking attention. I just don’t see the need for it! Do you really need to let thousands of strangers including your lovers, mother, father , kids, brother and sister know that you like to swallow?

You have not only invaded his privacy but that of his 300 friends also. I mean what are you really trying to accomplish by spreading your bodily fluids on his wall? As a woman if you feel the need to piss all over your man’s wall..Then don’t be surprised if he treats you like a dog.   I really don’t care what you do in your  real or non-existent relationship, just spare me the details please!  Honey if I didn’t want your man in real life, chances are I don’t want him virtually.

Some women are naturally sexy, friendly, or merely want to talk. This does not mean we want your man. Either way, just have some respect for yourself and others. If you feel threatened, jealous, insecure, or the need to keep your man on a short leash. Chances are , he will stray. 

 

Let them eat cake!

Extra Extra read all about it!

I’m sure I’ve written about his topic, lying in a relationship , However this is a different spin, or so I think. Having your cake and eating it too.

Subject A is unhappy in their relationship. Whether they are at the beginning ,middle, or at the end of the “break-up”; you provide them that ear that they so desperately need. They begin to tell you that you are so easy to talk to and are what they want and need in their life. You begin to believe the lines that they feed you, one thing leads to another and 3 months later , you think this is the one and BAM! Three months later you are getting harassing phone calls from the would be ex! Not to mention the one 3-way call where they denied your existence.. You soon begin to realize, you are the cake! 

For whatever reason subject A has decided to NOT END the relationship with the person that makes them miserable but at the same time tries to keep you. Even though it may have seemed real and you may have believed  his or her lies this is nothing but a sticky situation.

You are merely  that “escape”, that optional desert on the menu-not the main course. If you find out that you are the Cake, the best thing to do is STOP ! Stop making yourself readily available for a person who does not know what they want. Stop believing that he or her will leave them because they won’t (not soon anyways).

I don’t care what that person may or may not say if they opt to lie to their so-called partner and their so-called lover, what morals does that person really have?. And why would you want to be that option? That mere fix for his or her sweet tooth. Wouldn’t you want to be the appetizer, main course and desert that they desire?  Believe me I know that this can be a very confusing situation. You believed him or her and no one wants to be made the fool. But if you find yourself in this situation don’t continue being in it.

I  am sure they have given you every excuse in the book.

-I am going to leave them; I just don’t know where to go. (if they are living together)

-They would be devastated if I left them

-I don’t want to hurt anyone

-I am confused

-I care about you but I love them

-We have a house together, (a child, dog, horse, etc…)

-Lets take this slow, I will leave them eventually.

Let’s be friends.

Dont fall victim to these excuses!  If they wanted to be out of the situation they would. If you were a priority, you would not be involved in drama. Either they want you or they don’t .

And YOU stop making excuses,

-They need time

-They need someone to talk to , I can’t leave them

-They will leave their spouse, girlfriend, eventually

-He is a good guy or girl

Really? Because if they were a good person, they would not be lying to both of you. They would close one door before the other one opens. They would not bring pain into 2 people’s lives. He/she wants to have his cake and eat it too. So STOP, STOP making excuses, stop waiting around to see if he or she will leave them. Even if they do! The drama will follow. Can you really trust someone who chose to cheat emotionally or otherwise ? Whose to say that they will not do that do you?

Let them eat cake, but don’t be the cake. Let them ruin their relationship on their own. You don’t need the added calories or drama!

As my new friend best put it. No one likes to hear the cake say that it’s not good for them-but it has to be done.

That is all for now.

Can’t buy me love…

Lately, I have been attracting a variety of men;believe me its annoying. Recently, older men that try to buy my attention. And by older I mean you could be my grandpa! But in all fairness, I have had some young bucks throw some bucks my way also.From money, to purses, and even offering to pay my bills;I don’t understand why men think that money lands the girl.

I am not dismissing the fact that those type of women exist- I am not one of them! Honestly, I consider it insulting. I not only fell objectified but feel as if I am not being respected. I mean really? Throwing a couple dollars my way, sound a little whorish? I am the type of woman who takes pride in paying my own bills, providing for my family and saying that I earned that overpriced Italian leather bag. I just think that its outright disrespectful!

And then there are those who think that just because they have bought you a nice dinner or two that you owe them something…Sigh that’s another blog.

But for now..

I just don’t get it! If a woman does not want you chances are she is not going to want you because have an extra 100 dollars in your crusty-ass wallet. Why do some men seem to think that money can buy beauty? And men , do you really want a woman who wants you for your money?

Do you really think that your money, gifts and other forms of lame attempts of trying to impress her will change her mind? Never mind the fact that it is beyond creepy! If a woman wants you, your income, or lack thereof has nothing to do with it.

Actual pick-up lines…

- You need a man to take care of you. Let me be that man.

-You can’t do it on your own. You should let someone in your life and alleviate your financial burdens.

-I like to buy a beautiful girl beautiful things.

REALLY!

I think the Beatles said it best: I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love…