Spare me your corporate bull!

Life got in the way so blogging was put off to the side for a few.

So here goes, another stupid moment in my life..I’m not really trying to be a man basher , just exploiting the facts.

Exhibit A, you meet a man with a prestigious profession, he has the perfect body, dreamy eyes and perfect life. He is older, carries himself well in the public eye and should be everything that you wanted? NOT.  Behind closed doors, this man becomes this douche-bag that tries to shove his tongue down your throat every second he gets! On top of it, every other word that comes out of his mouth is  an attempt to get you in bed which is not only disgusting but disrespectful ! Can you say thirsty?

I mean seriously do you think talking dirty to a woman, is going to get you brownie points? I’m sorry but my idea of a good time, does not consist of a man inviting me over to his house, telling me he is going to shower me with his manliness (trying to keep it G rated), and not even have dinner and wine waiting? This is a prime example of not judging a book by its cover! Just because a man makes a six figure income, does not mean he knows how to treat a lady well. Come to think of it, many of these white collar men that I have met, in my eyes, need to F^&% off!Just because you have the fancy car, fancy job, and are dubbed as a powerful man at the office does not mean you can shove your corporate bullshit down my throat! I just don’t get it?! Did they teach a man to be a douche bag in grad school? or did things change when the money started to flow and they became invincible!

No wonder I am attracted to the starving musicians and artists, the ones that have the passion behind them. Although they don’t have the money to take to you to an elaborate restaurant they are humble. They will admit to not having time for you, but will make an effort, you hear from them because they want to see you, not need to see you! The will make due with what they have and whip an awesome meal, from their bachelour pad and pop in a great movie! Not to mention they are passionate lovers and great cuddlers!

I love me!

I am tired of trying to “fit in” to please society. I am tired of doing things that I would not normally do to please you! I am tired of trying to  make him love me when the reality is that I must  love myself !

I love me, what more could there be, a love for myself that super-cedes all. A love for myself that has taught me to appreciate the beauty in me. That has taught me to weed out the negative and focus on the positive of me .

I love me!

There once was a time when I was consumed by him , the thought of him, the feeling of him. Yes I admit it, I was in love with the idea of him .  An idea that was forced upon me by you! Television, Media , Hollywood, Friends, Family …Why is it that a woman must be with a man to be happy. Why does she have to  have that ring around her finger or be in a relationship before she turns the ripe age of 30 , to be normal.  Why are we teaching our daughters that in order to be happy we have to find our prince charming , live in his castle and be his trophy wife?

One of  many trophies that is displayed on his mantle  (for a limited time only) collecting dust until he is ready to polish us with his sometimes personality . A  personality that we have become a prisoner of, one that we have forced ourselves to believe in although the truth was painted abstractly  the very first day.

The very first day we met him we knew he was An Andalusian Dog”, and we were playing the  main role in this surrealist film that he liked to call his life. A Dali like film that is disjointed, jumping from the initial “once upon a time” to “eight years later” without the events or characters changing very much. Why are women  just going through the motions to appease you society!  In choosing to please you, we are living a dream that we eventually have to wake up from.

Well, I am awake and an choosing not to accept  mediocrity and get caught up  in the theory of him ! I am choosing to love myself , accept the single life and  be my own happy ending.

Thanks ANGIE ZAMUDIO for teaching me to do me!

The right one???

OK so I know this blog will probably not make sense. I was  so upset that my fingers were not able to type in conjunction with my thoughts.

After eating dinner with yet …another male friend in my life,  we began to discuss new & old relationships, fresh and stale ones, break- ups a getting back into the dating scene after a heart ache. Ahhh jumping back on the saddle of love!

He began to tell  how much the dating scene sucks and how sick and tired he was of meeting the wrong kind of woman. (Sounds familiar!) As he continued to tell me about his dating disasters, ie… the older woman who is a  jealous , overbearing -materialistic psycho , or the young hot woman who knows that her biological clock is ticking yet does not have the brains to even tell time, I began to compare his experiences to mine.   As I asked him questions such as what he was looking for in a partner , and what his ideal woman or relationship is, his response was  at he was not looking for any type, but simply looking for “the  right one”. The right one?

Uh oh Pandora’s box has opened. The right one? What exactly does that mean? Do we as human beings have a predetermined image or idea of who the right woman or man is for us? Does this mean that he or she has to fit a certain physical characteristic, have the brains of Einstein, is career driven or homeward bound. What exactly does this mean? You can tell he struck a nerve in me. He laughed as I began to spit off these questions above. Well how do you know?

You just know. he said….

How do you just know? How do you know that it is love and not lust, that your friendship should be more..that he or she is the one you want to spend the rest of you life with?

Great another unwritten rule in this crazy game of love…. A game that I am tired of trying figure out.

Lets see what determines him or her being the right one? The Yin and Yang of love…When we find that one person who meets all our physical expectations but not our emotional ones is he the right one? When we find the one who is financially stable yet is down and out in the sexual attraction category is he the one? Or how about the one who keeps your interest intellectually, romantically and  emotionally yet does not want to commit to you, is he the one?

So basically according to his theory there is a man or woman out there for you, the “right one”, you just cant seek him out, or have an image of him,  and you just need to have faith and believe that you will find each other.So great now faith  is playing a game with my life and heart? ! I do believe that things will work out in the end, but I do find it hard to believe that faith is  holding my prince charming for ransom until it is ready to relinquish him?

How about this one, you have the right one in the palm of your hands but because you are unsure of what it is you are looking for, or  because of your preconceived ideas of what the right one is, you throw him or her away to only realize years later he or she was the one ?

My point to all this rambling is,maybe he is right, maybe we should go with our gut feeling and stop seeking perfection..If it feels right then, just go with it..

When god winks on love, and hes just not that into you because of your female brain?n

Like many women out there, I am trying to figure out the great mysteries of life and unfortunately a big component of this is  love,  relationships, & men. Its sad to admit this but many of us spend countless amount of hours, days, or even months infatuated, infuriated , disappointed or simply trying to figure out men.  We spend half of our time wasting brain cells in trying to over-analyze, psychoanalyze, or simply trying to decode many of the  signs that he is or is not giving us. Based on our research we then decide if we should or should not be happy. I think that all this unnecessary research is  a recipe for disaster, or ending up in an insane asylum.

In order to maintain my sanity, I  began to buy many relationship books including Hes just not that into you, Its called a break up because its broken, the Female Brain and… When God Winks on Love. After all that reading I can honestly say that I am even more confused than when  I first started.

The female brain, states that we are emotional creatures, and that women are wired differently than men, we are more nurturing, emotional,etc etc..Well duh!

He;s Just not that into you, basically gives you the signs when a man is not into you…

“Its called a break up because its broken”, reminds you why he is a jerk and why you should move on!

And my latest disappointment,

When god Winks on Love…

Excerpt:

You are destined to have a soul mate, if you have faith in the outcome, the picture of love you have in your mind can be yours, so trust and learn to read the God Wink is a persona signal or message directly from a higher power, usually , but not always,in the form of a coincidence.. Squire Rushnell

The book goes on to give examples of God winks in peoples lives and and how if we would only pay attention to these Winks we would be living happily ever after..

OK are you kidding me..I have to admit, sometimes I get up in wanting to  believe that true love is on the other side of the rainbow and that the Unicorns will lead me to my Prince Charming. But come on seriously GOD WINKS? If I were to sit here and listen to all these signals that the invisible man from above is or is not  sending me..I would be in a whole lot of trouble!

Being a writer myself, I am not bashing the author of the book , it was edited quite well! I do  believe that there is some truth behind it,  that there are certain circumstances, situations, or whatever you may call it that may lead you on a path towards a certain person, place, or thing but ultimately in my opinion it is  you who you decide who you end up with. But come on! A God Wink?!

I guess what I am trying to say women, is that there is no book, person, or thing that can help you find your perfect relationship or man or life. Its called “life” because you are living..You are bound to get hurt, make logical and illogical decisions, mistakes, and endure a whole lot of  tears, pain, and heartache. If you sit there and read about it and not be about it, you could be missing out on someone or something incredible. Weather he makes you happy for that one month, year, or a life time at least you are experiencing something.

You will never know what you want or who you want if you are too afraid to jump into the water!

Ok venting done!

Phone book frenzy

As I was talking to a co-worker the other night, about men, relationships and sex. I literally got hit on by five different men throughout the duration of that conversation! She then told me I can’t take you anywhere now a days can I?

I sat there, laughed it off and told her that although I somewhat like the attention, it can be a little bit bothersome at times ~ I surely do not seek it! She witnessed a little bit of what I endure on a daily basis and was amazed at how many lame and not so lame pick up lines/men I deal with. She then began to ask me how do you do it? I simply responded I am just being me.

The fact that I am enjoying life, and have that care-free attitude, it what lures people to me, i am not afraid to speak my mind, be a goof-ball, and just love me! There was a time in my life when I was full of self doubt, hung my head low had the whole woe is my line down to a “T”. Now that I have let the “real” me come out, the one who love me is when the phone book frenzy began. The countless numbers, many of the names I do not know, some I do no want to know and others are plain out trouble!

Which goes back to my most recent blog women are the new men! I can not help it, I am a social butterfly! Working in such a diverse environment and following my journalism nose, I run across the most interesting people from artists, to chefs, to poets, to writers, to businessmen etc.. I see a potential story in almost everyone I meet and It has become second nature for me to just to give or take an email or number, which eventually turns in to something another name in my phone book that may or may not be looked at!

She then asked me how do you keep all these numbers straight? You are like a guy! And as I was looking over my 300 something numbers, I thought to myself WOW! Maybe I am getting out of control. But am I? I mean guys have been doing this for ages and I am sure other women are doing the same thing but are just too afraid to admit it. Which goes back to the whole she is a slut

Come on women I know I am not the only one who has 6 or more Do not answer’s , (we did not know they would go nuts on us)3 different Tony’s, 2 different bartenders, and a slew of names that we cant even remember for the life of us. I think its pretty awesome that the tables have turned and, women are finally comfortable with collecting numbers and calling men on a need be basis. There is nothing wrong in admitting that! Isn’t that what being single is about?

So yeah rule 2. Phone etiquette!

You get his number, or you give him your number. What is the rule on how long he or you should wait before calling. I have had guys call or text me that same night, ones that wait till the next day , the typical 3-day-rule guy, and those that fall after that time line.

Does the “first” call set the bar for the rest of the relationship? I have found it to be that the one that calls that same day turns out to be a stalker, the one day guy can be a little pushy, the three day guy is a little confused, and the one that calls 4-7 days later is a player and your number probably got lost in the shuffle of women. Depending on my interest in the guy I have to admit I have probably done all of the above, I may text right away to say how nice it was meeting him, I may text 2 days later because I am involved in another mess, and well any time after that, those will be visited at a later time when I am bored. Does this rule exist, is there a calling rule after receiving or giving out a number?

I feel like I ranted with this blog , o WELL!

Sealed with a kiss!

I keep getting comments from many of my readers such as “boy you are confused”, “take time for yourself” , “be alone”..And as I sat there waiting to respond.. I thought to myself..WAIT! Am I the only one that is confused? Aren’t we all? I can easily point the fingers at you and ask you do you always know what you want?

I mean isn’t life a process and confused is a BIG part of it? After instant messaging a “friend” and both agreeing that we were insane! , he told me that confusion is natural, if it did not exist in our daily lives we would not be living. So either I chose to live or don’t, Well, if you put it that way!

I may not know what I want but the one thing I do know is that I am living life. Sometimes you will be faced with that difficult decision of doing what is morally right vs doing what feels right. I am tired of following the status quo and I choose to follow my heart! I have done the “right” thing adhering to everyone elses standards and for those of you who may know did not end up on a good note.

Just because I choose to blog about it does not mean that I am a mutant to the adult world I guarantee that many of you have or currently are experiencing what I am going through right now (confusion ). Whether it is choosing your outfit for the day, if you are going to eat the salad or the burger, going to the gym or staying in, and relationships are a part of it!

Which leads me to my new set of blogs..Which will be a compilation of “rules” that I like to call the rules of dating or dating etiquette!

Rule number 1…

1. Does kissing him the first time, give him the right to kiss you a second time. Let me give you an example.

Example, you meet a guy and after several times of talking/meeting you develop this friendship that may or may lead up to something more. You decide to explore this further and go out on a date. The fact that you two had this strong intellectual and somewhat of a physical attraction leads you to believe that you two just might hit it off. The date goes well, and you are kind of feeling him and he is feeling you. After the second or third drink, you decide to take the next step and see if the intellectual attraction has the potential for a chemical attraction, you down a couple of drinks and and viola you kiss!

Umm wait a minute WTF happened?! That was like kissing my brother! (not that I have). You make up some excuse to part ways telling him that you are too tired for a night cap and think …Woah, that was Awkward,

So now here is the dilemma I am faced with. How can you tell him that! That you thought you may be into him but realized that you are not into him? Without hurting his feelings! You have established this friendship, you think he is cute, you like chilling with him but the chemistry is not there. You have now crossed the point of no return, messing up the “friendship” with a kiss.

The next time you see him, he tries to kiss you again, you pull away, Ok wait a minute, just becasue I kissed you the first time does not give you the right to think you can do it again, you pull away. Now I am upset are there any rules to this? The rules of kissing? Am I being difficult, even if I was into him, chemistry wise, just because we kissed once does not automatically give you an unlimited free kiss coupon. Is is just me? Are there rules when it comes down to this?
I mean it is not his fault, and I am sure, we have all done this at some point in our lives, but it just made me think..!

wo(men) are the new men!

After having a discussion with both my male and female friends I have come to the conclusion that women are the new men!

Once upon a time , a girl met a guy, if he caught her eye she  would innocently hike up her skirt , stick her chest out and flirt with her body language opening up the window of opporunity hoping that he would go up to her and initiate conversation. She would wait for him to ask her what her number was and then sit by the phone patiently waiting hours days or even a week for him to call.

WTF

Long gone are those days of women playing the whole damsel in distress ,that stupid girl! If I am interested in a guy, ill be damned if I wait for him to come up to me! I will down my martini, perk the babies up, and approach him with the uttermost confidence ever. What you see is what you get, I will not dumb down my role so that I can be approachable or get your digits.

As my BFF told me its now time for us to do them like they do us. Well what does that mean you say? Well upon receiving your number we will be the ones that will be doing the calling 2-3 days later leaving you to sit and wait by the phone. When we say we are going to call you back, who knows, maybe we will maybe we wont?! Lastly your number will be just a random number in our phonebook to only be looked upon when we are bored, have nothing better to do, or need to take care of business. I know what many of you may be thinking what a B-ch but wait am I really being one? Is this not what you do to us?

When things get too close for comfort maybe we will be the ones telling you that you are too emotional, will shut you out, or better yet disappear for a day or two claiming that we are too busy.

Why is it ok for guys to have all the fun and be deemed as a stud? As I sit here ignoring the many calls that I continue to get (I need to learn not to give out my number) trying to organize my phone book and figure out who is who ,I cant help but laugh and come to the realization women are the new men. So yeah maybe just maybe we are not here for you entertainment, you don’t really want to mess with us tonight!

I mean don’t girls just wanna have fun?

Either you get it or ..you don’t

As tired as I am, I must write on!

So for the past 3 days, I have not been able to sleep, not because there was anything wrong with me but because my new Viking blood sucking pal has really inspired me to research and write this next post!

For the past 3 days I have been staying up late at night ,talking texting instant messaging and going to sleep and waking up with one thing on my ,mind.HIM.! Yes ladies and gentleman I am smitten!

Now lets not get ahead of ourselves, I am still single! But he really made me wonder what is going on?

I am an avid believer in fate, chance and luck, and lately I have kind of been going with the flow but there is that one person that will hit you across the head with their words, mannerisms thoughts that make you think wow I really could dig “someone like you“. So what is this feeling called? Faith? Luck? Chance ? Chemistry

The fact that I have found myself talking to him till 2 a.m, getting giddy upon hearing his voice, or having a big cheesy smile when he sends me a text, story or pic freaks me out!! Now I don’t want to jinx anything and usually go with the flow ..but there is something, about this one… that really hit me out of left field. Chemistry, between two people what is it? Is it something that can felt instantly or does it transform over time? Is it something that should be felt upon contact, first glance, is it an intellectual attraction or is it something more!

Sure we have all seen a picture of someone and upon glancing at it may lust over someone, but once you pass phase one of musting up the courage, sending them that cheesy pick up line, and attempting to get to know someone, what happens beyond that point , the chemistry,is it truly out of our control? Chemistry is it “a process, or some spontaneous reaction that you either have or you don’t. Is it a matter of mixing the right chemicals, under the right temperature, at the right time or is something that just is.
Im sure we all felt it in high school , chemistry that is, the butterflies in our stomachs, the cheesy smiles upon hearing his or her voice, truly digging him or her! Sure it is acceptable during our grammar school years but when this spills over into the adult world what then? What is that called? Being a wuss? An overgrown dork.

Maybe its just me, or maybe the cosmic world is off whack but I can not remember the last time that I actually felt that chemistry that I described above until now (hence my lack of sleep). The best part is, that there has not been any physical interaction, no forcing of chemicals , it just is. This chemistry is one that is natural one that is being emitted via the phone, text or internet. Am I the only one out there am I being naive am I acting like a child? Is “this” feeling nuts?

I don’t know what it is and maybe just maybe I am not meant to figure it out but all I know is that I like this feeling. The talking to him hours upon end and not getting bored, thinking of him sporatically throughout the day, and actually getting it!

I can only imagine what it would feel like when we meet!

Wake me up when September ends!

So , September brings on a whole slew of emotions including , drama, involving heartache, a friends ex boy -friend,decisions, and confusion! As I am letting go of the past and making space for the future, I have found myself in yet another romantic puzzle involving a good boy, bad boy emotional situation.

Imagine this, I have finally found the one, he respects me, listens to me, makes time for me , COMMUNICATES, understands me, reads my work! and does not judge me based on my past. (My Prince Charming) But as I sit there and think, am I really ready for this? Do I deserve to be his Cindarella? or am I that wicked witch that has the potential of breaking his heart. Coming out of a long term relationship and recovering from another heart ache? Am I ready?

Looking over my posts, I can tell that I am one confused gal. Often times going from wanting to be with someone yet enjoying the perks of “being alone” . As I sat there , my thumb over my crackberry ready to delete all the numbers of my “bad-boy” toys and give this nice guy my undivided attention, Something stopped me! I felt like the 30 year old bachelor who is not ready to let go of his little black book of conquests! I deleted some of them but not all!

So here I am faced with another predicament, is it just me, is it him , is it the timing, is it my cultural background, the fact that he is my friends ex, or is it the fact that I am torn between that good boy and bad boy! Am I ready to be the good girl that this good guy deserves who or does the bad girl in me still want to play the field and see whats out there? I enjoy your typical Prince Charming, who opens the doors for me, treats me with respect, calls me and texts me in the morning to say “hey, how are you?” But I also enjoy that unattainable artist, or Harley riding tattooed guy who you hear on rare occasion, unless its for a booty call, and has that no strings attached attitude. Is it just me? Am I truly confused? Is life meant to be this confusing?

There is a saying that goes “A women has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.” But isn’t that a low number?

Here I am faced with a the decision of wanting a good boy vs bad boy in my life! but my inner voice also tells me wait its too soon! A good friend of mine told me to wait it out, to let the wounds in my heart heal , then I will be able to make this decision with a clear conscience and mind. But the other side of me, the one that knows me and tells me to follow my heart is fighting with the logical.

Sigh, maybe I will keep actively dating, blogging and writing. Then only then will this decision be a little bit easier for me.

Texting the EX

I remember the good old days when talking on the phone meant having to wait till you physically got home to talk to your boyfriend. Or, if you wanted to tell someone you wanted to talk you would page them on their beeper (wow i’m showing my age) . Now -a -days it seems like we are constantly calling, texting, Instant Messaging, Twittering or lost in our myspacing the world . In my opinion life seemed so much simplier when we were not tied down to our crackberry and haunted by these electronic vices that seem to rule our lives especially after a break up.

I am finding that a lot of women including myself believe that it is harder to get over the ex because with this technology is right at out fingertips and we seem to know their every move. We know when they are home because their Instant Msg screen name pops up, or worse yet, you can see how happy they are without us by looking at their myspace and facebook pictures. We have too much power in knowing what they are doing, or seeing the new person they are dating .

I know what you are saying, just delete them and move on, but reality its easier said than done. It is too easy to drunk text the ex and tell them how much you miss them or click on their screen name and look at all the new girls on their friends list.

I’m not bitter just accepting the reality , I know many people are thinking what I mentioned above, I just happened to say it.

Part duex of this post!

I am usually one who can stay friends with the ex. My philosophy has always been if you two shared something friendship or otherwise, you are capable of being adults after the break up! Well like everything in life, there is always an exception to the rule!

With everyone around me breaking up and my own personal issues I have come to realize that staying friends with the ex is not always the best thing for your heart. I tried the whole friendship route,moving on with my life, painting the fake smile on my face pretending I was the cool ex-girl.. I am tired of pretending!  Although I have learned to separate my emotions from a lot of situiations, it is difficult to erase those feelings and memories that led you to fall. Those little moments when you got lost into his eyes and thought you found love. sigh

Once you felt those magical moments, how can you  settle for mediocracy and just be friends? What it really boils down to is if you truly fall for someone crossing the friendship barrier, you need to understand once its over, it needs to be over. If the feelings were genuine , and you thought that you found your soul mate, or true love, it can take you an eternity ..(not months) to get over them and unfortunately being friends will not help.

I have done some soul searching and growing over the past year and although I have not really reached adulthood I have realized that being an adult kind of sucks!If only relationships were as simple as they were when we young where Barbie meets Ken, Ken buys her a Pink Convertible, and they live life in their Dream house and life the perfect plastic life. Even if Ken cheated used or lied to Mariposa Barbie with Malibu Barbie it would not matter to her because she has no soul , brain or heart.

But I do! I have feelings! I feel , hurt, and think. So I have made the big girl decision to not be friends with the past. The past is exactly that, the past its time to move on and onto better and new things. Kudos to those who are able to go through a relationship as easily as a pair of Trashy Lingere, I am that custom couture piece that is hard to find, but will withstand time.

Barbie Girl