New toy vs old toy

So you have been with subject A for the past 6 months and the relationship is something out of a Harlequin Romance Novel. You spend every waking minute and hour with each other, call each other on a daily basis just to hear his or her voice, and not to mention the sex is out of this world. The  butterflies in your stomach seem endless, and you smile each and every time you see them.  You look into his or her eyes deep into their soul and  know that you have found true love.. You cant wait to see each other again while you are still in each others arms, sigh.. But no sooner do you turn the page in your romantic novel do you hit the 6 month trap..

That same book that was painted with pretty pictures and butterflies is now something that could be sitting next to Stephen King or Agatha Christies best sellers. You don’t know what went wrong in the relationship but you know that things are not what they once were. Instead of those random cute texts and romantic nights you find yourself wondering who he or she is with tonight.  You begin to think you did something wrong and are retracing the moments in your relationship to see what went wrong..

The truth is , you did nothing wrong . You have now become a victim of the 6 month itch.  Now this does not apply to everyone and I can only go off my personal experiences but the best analogy that I can go with is a toy. Remember when you got that toy you always wanted for christmas as child?   Well try to remember the feelings associated with it. You were happy, excited and could not wait to play with it! Day after day you played with your new Barbie or Gi-Joe , and could not get enough of it. You were so infatuated with it that you took it in the tub with you, shit you even slept with it! But then, after a while that very same toy grew old. You knew what it looked like, felt like and knew what to expect when you played with it.  It became a monotonous routine and the fact that you could only do so much with it grew tiring.The toy lost its luster, shine and excitement. 

 Well the same goes with a relationship. The first 6 months of it are bliss. Because you are still new to each other the excitement is unbearable! You want to spend time with your partner and are trying desperately to  impress each other that you are putting your best skills forward. Weather it be conversational skills, cooking skills and bedroom skills you are a kung-fu master of the relationship.    You keep this charade up for as long as you can but once you hit that 6 month mark, the relationships looses its shine. You know what to expect when you are together, begin to call each other less, make excuses not to see him or her, and are trying to find the nearest EXIT sign.

So why does this happen? Well it can be one of two reasons. The person that you are with does not know what he or she wants and still wants to play the field, or you simply are not the one.

For whatever reason he or she is backing off and is not ready to settle down with you. They are  looking for that next new toy to play with. It’s not something you did wrong it is just the nature of the game. Now you can do things to make the game go slower or faster but for the most part the end result may be the same. Or you can change the rules..

For starters you can put that toy back in the toy box for a while and give yourself a chance to miss each other. For those of you that have children you know what I am talking about. Once your child gets disinterested in a toy and wants a new one, experts often tell you to take that toy away from your child and hide it for at least a couple of weeks . When you  return that very same toy to your child you will then see the interest in that very same toy rise. That child will also establish a new routine with that toy and play with it differently..  I know that this may be a hard thing to do but if you see your relationship taking a turn for the worse, what is the alternative? If you give yourself a chance to miss your significant other then that shine that turned you on so much in the beginning will eventually come back. You will also bring new excitement to the relationship. I don’t care how good you cook, how intellegent you are or how great you are in bed..Lets face it..We all get bored doing the same old thing..

Another option may be changing the rules of the game. Flip the script on them..or as my girl Angie best said it.. Do them like they do you! I know this may be a childish alternative but believe me once you have the upper hand in the relationship you will have them wondering..Just think of it..Would you rather play a game that you knew you were going to win or would you like a challenging game? If they are calling you less and less do the same. If it takes them a couple of hours  to get back to you then take four hours to get back to them. If they make excuses to not see you and forget that you had  a date tonight..Make yourself unavailable. Pretty soon they will be the ones on the other end wondering what they did wrong. It is always best to leave the other person wondering. Again it isnt about learning how to play a game. but it’s about understanding human nature and behaving accordingly.  A person will always want what he or she cant have..

D..I hope this makes sense…

Hes Back

So an ex is in town and it is taking my all to not call, text or even bother with him. But honestly , it is hard!

I made the mistake of  contacting the past yet again and ironically was having a great repertoire with  him a week before he was coming back into town. No sooner did he get my hopes up , he disappeared! Which now  has left me with this empty hole inside my heart. Granted I should have known better and should not have gotten my hopes up but as usual i fell into his dysfunctional trap. He entertained me yet again with the idea of him and possibly meeting  up with him while he was in town and just before I could absorb it all up ..Bam he disappeared. Contact on his part diminished and I was left wondering what I did wrong? We had a great conversations between us for two whole months before his arrival and a week before he was supposed to hop on a plane his instant messages, picture msgs and texts stopped! WTF happened? Did I do something wrong? I don’t get it!!!!!

Did he do this on purpose?

Why is it that men like to play this game! Because we allow it? Because they can get away with it? It frustrates me that this whole cat and mouse thing . Why work me up for a couple of months or so and when it is time to step up to the plate you chicken out? So I am left with this question ..Was it a test and what should I do? Should I pretend he never came and that our conversations were just made up in my head? Or should I play into this game of cat and mouse…ARGH I just want to scream!

Spare me your corporate bull!

Life got in the way so blogging was put off to the side for a few.

So here goes, another stupid moment in my life..I’m not really trying to be a man basher , just exploiting the facts.

Exhibit A, you meet a man with a prestigious profession, he has the perfect body, dreamy eyes and perfect life. He is older, carries himself well in the public eye and should be everything that you wanted? NOT.  Behind closed doors, this man becomes this douche-bag that tries to shove his tongue down your throat every second he gets! On top of it, every other word that comes out of his mouth is  an attempt to get you in bed which is not only disgusting but disrespectful ! Can you say thirsty?

I mean seriously do you think talking dirty to a woman, is going to get you brownie points? I’m sorry but my idea of a good time, does not consist of a man inviting me over to his house, telling me he is going to shower me with his manliness (trying to keep it G rated), and not even have dinner and wine waiting? This is a prime example of not judging a book by its cover! Just because a man makes a six figure income, does not mean he knows how to treat a lady well. Come to think of it, many of these white collar men that I have met, in my eyes, need to F^&% off!Just because you have the fancy car, fancy job, and are dubbed as a powerful man at the office does not mean you can shove your corporate bullshit down my throat! I just don’t get it?! Did they teach a man to be a douche bag in grad school? or did things change when the money started to flow and they became invincible!

No wonder I am attracted to the starving musicians and artists, the ones that have the passion behind them. Although they don’t have the money to take to you to an elaborate restaurant they are humble. They will admit to not having time for you, but will make an effort, you hear from them because they want to see you, not need to see you! The will make due with what they have and whip an awesome meal, from their bachelour pad and pop in a great movie! Not to mention they are passionate lovers and great cuddlers!

I love me!

I am tired of trying to “fit in” to please society. I am tired of doing things that I would not normally do to please you! I am tired of trying to  make him love me when the reality is that I must  love myself !

I love me, what more could there be, a love for myself that super-cedes all. A love for myself that has taught me to appreciate the beauty in me. That has taught me to weed out the negative and focus on the positive of me .

I love me!

There once was a time when I was consumed by him , the thought of him, the feeling of him. Yes I admit it, I was in love with the idea of him .  An idea that was forced upon me by you! Television, Media , Hollywood, Friends, Family …Why is it that a woman must be with a man to be happy. Why does she have to  have that ring around her finger or be in a relationship before she turns the ripe age of 30 , to be normal.  Why are we teaching our daughters that in order to be happy we have to find our prince charming , live in his castle and be his trophy wife?

One of  many trophies that is displayed on his mantle  (for a limited time only) collecting dust until he is ready to polish us with his sometimes personality . A  personality that we have become a prisoner of, one that we have forced ourselves to believe in although the truth was painted abstractly  the very first day.

The very first day we met him we knew he was An Andalusian Dog”, and we were playing the  main role in this surrealist film that he liked to call his life. A Dali like film that is disjointed, jumping from the initial “once upon a time” to “eight years later” without the events or characters changing very much. Why are women  just going through the motions to appease you society!  In choosing to please you, we are living a dream that we eventually have to wake up from.

Well, I am awake and an choosing not to accept  mediocrity and get caught up  in the theory of him ! I am choosing to love myself , accept the single life and  be my own happy ending.

Thanks ANGIE ZAMUDIO for teaching me to do me!

Cubs vs Cougars

As you can tell by the picture this is not a baseball blog and if that was what you wanted to read MOVE ON! For those of you that don’t know me, I blog about my relationship questions, men, boys, life, emotions etc..And I call it STUCK ON STUPID- Stupid is an adjective, it describes  person, place, or time in your life where you morally know what to do but because of your emotions are too blinded to do so..Now back to the blog..

Stupid question?!

OK So I know I am not a spring chicken but then again I am not an old hen. I am a 29- year old single mom who takes pride in her outer and inner beauty.  I work out 5 days a week, drink my 8 glasses of water a day and eat all my fruits and Veggies. As a result of this , I think I look good and feel even better! As a result of this,I don’t know if I am emitting some sort of pheromones, or aura  but lately I have been attracting younger men, and when I mean young I am talking 18-22 range.

Which leads me to this post, how young is too young? I know this is a new century where discrimination and biases cease to exist! NOT! All BS aside, I know any people have mixed feelings about this , but how young is too young? Yes the old Cougar vs Cub argument or Kitten vs Cougar.Whatever you like to call it, older women with young men, I know that many people have mixed feelings about this such as age does not matter, but the level of maturity and experience does.There are others that think that there should be a line that is drawn when it comes down to age.  I know what my thoughts are on this but was wondering what  my invisible fans on the WORLD WIDE WEB thought?

So hypothetically speaking , if I were to pay attention to these advances, would I be dubbed a cougar? Even though I am not the one doing the hunting? Why is it that I attract all these younger men?  And is this morally wrong? Even though men have been doing it for many many moons.

Def of Cougar:

An attractive woman in her 30’s or 40’s who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc

Let me reiterate the fact that I am not the one doing the hunting. I do not go out to these night clubs, bars beachers etc. You will often find me at driven and focused at the task at hand ; be it the gym-squatting, at home -writing, at work-working or spending quality time with my children.. I dont have the time or energy to really hunt for men, they find me. OMG am I a M.I.L.F? lol

Men being abused??!!?!

While I was doing my crunches at the gym today, I happened to glimpse at the the TV and the topic on some morning talk show was Men Being abused.  I jumped off my bouncy ball and my ears and eyes perked up with interest.Anyone who knows me knows why this is a sensitive subject and exactly why I am blogging about this.

Domestic Violence ; that elephant in the room that exists yet everyone is ashamed and  afraid to talk about it. NOT until now that is! Not until a celebrity hits another celebrity is when people actually start taking interest in the subject! Now its news worthy..So back to that show, some idiot scholar on the show with his magical research went on to discuss his messed up hypothesis that women are the culprits behind most of the violence. If I am not mistaken, his exact words were that 70 percent of women provoke these DV occurrences. Wow he has numbers to prove it. Then he went on to state that men  are also being abused in relationships yet they are too ashamed to admit it. O OK Ill give him that im sure a woman hitting a man desmasculates him, but i mean come on Women provoking a DV occurrence..That’s a crock of SHIT. If we believe his hypothesis then we would be admitting that men are heathens that are not capable of controlling themselves and lack the brain power to take control of their emotions. Just because a person upsets you, does deem you to be GOD, and allow you to punish a person!  Shit if that true in my life, do you know how many people I would love to beat down?! I work in customer service I deal with idiots that provoke me everyday! DO  you see me on the news pulling out a can of whup ass!

As the show continued this man continued to put his foot in his mouth and  and  following his 70 percent of women statement, these words came out of his mouth. “Don’t get me wrong, no one deserves to get abused but the reality is that many men are being provoked into hitting a woman! WOW! I had to take a minute and remind myself that we are in 2009 and the the fucking 1890’s!

They might as well have titled the segment Women who speak up, deserve an ass  whupping!

I’m sure there are some crazy women out there that do hit their men, but I am going to have to disagree with this idiot. Women are biologically made smaller than men, we do not have testosterone and muscles even if I was Little miss Bad ass and wanted to beat my man, chances are, he would have me on the ground in 0.0 seconds. I am not saying women are better than men, I am just disagreeing with the statement that women provoke men. GOD or whomever gave us brains lets use them!!!

I’m sure that this topic is being explored because of  “alleged” Chris Brown and Rhianna incident making headlines but I  mean come on Men being abused? I’m sorry I don’t buy it! First off, it is sad to say that the only reason that this is making the news is because a celebrity battered another celebrity big F’n deal! There are thousands if not millions of women being battered and killed everyday and do you hear about these  women? Don’t get me wrong, my heart goes out to Rhianna and I DO KNOW how she feels but what urks me is how the media is using this topic as material for their talk shows!   COME ON PEOPLE!

ok off to work im sure i will edit this soon!

Dontdatehimgirl.com

In honor of the flick he is just not that into you and Valentines Day I wanted to share a website that I came across last year and visit quite often,Dontdatehimgirl.com. I know what many women may be thinking, a website that tells you not to date a man? Please, Let me make that decision on my own !

Allow me to explain myself, when my friend first told me of that website, I looked it, read a couple of posts on some men that I dated, dismissed what it said and walked right into a burning room. (and then I wonder why I get hurt?)   So  here I am a year later, going through the same shit kicking myself in the ass for not listening to another woman’s advice including my own about a guy that I was seeing off and on for the past year .(The guy who inspired this post, stuck on stupid) I know that now all men are the same, and not all men are douche bags but there are those few that ruin it for the good guys and continue to do so as long as they are allowed to.

As soon as I finished updating a post on dontdatehimgirl.com, about a friend/lover who I recently found out (by  unconventional means) that he has three other friends/lovers at the same time,  who obviously do not know about each other, I thought that I should warn other women about this serial player.  Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a man who has an active lifestyle, but what bothers me is  the fact that he lies about it, and makes these women believe they are the only one.  THAT I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH . As you can tell I am a little upset, especially since I was honest with this “friend” with benefits. Despite our numerous talks about not being able to be in a relationship  there was always a connection between us, a connection that is hard to explain.  Although we dubbed it  a friendship ,we enjoyed each others company both in and out of the bedroom,had deep conversations about the past , present, and future . I can’t explain what it was that we had, but in my eyes it was more than that , his actions were different from the words that came out of his mouth. Does a friend call you pet names like baby? Does a friend make love to you andd? Does a friend cuddle after sex? Does a friend sometimes slip and mention the possibility of a future together?

I cant explain the connection that we had, but for some reason we were drawn to each other time after time. We knew that we sucked at the whole relationship thing , but we both knew that we liked having each other in our lives. Despite my strong feelings for him, I would tell him if I was dating others, etc. It was hard but  I was honest.  I mean who wants to tell the man that you thought you  were in love with that you were dating other men, and the only reason that you are doing this is because he wont commit to you.

I guess that’s what separates the men from the boys, a man is someone who is able to tell the truth and let a woman know where she stands from day one instead of sugar coating shit. I wish I could let  all the other women with broken hearts out there know that unity in numbers is key!!!  Lets promote this site to warn at least one woman who encounters this douche bag to move onward and forward.  Like the saying goes, not all that glitters is gold,

So getting back to my unconventional way of finding out about these women, what should I do with this information that I have in my hands? Should I warn at least one of these women about her Prince Charming? Or let it go?

I know that all men are not the same, and I wish many more women knew about this site because unfortunately there are a lot of douche bags out there.

I have figured out the hard way that you cant trust every one , second chances are not always a good idea, and some people will never change. What you see is not necessarily what you get. If I could warn at least one woman about one of  the losers that is out there than I have at least done my job.

The right one???

OK so I know this blog will probably not make sense. I was  so upset that my fingers were not able to type in conjunction with my thoughts.

After eating dinner with yet …another male friend in my life,  we began to discuss new & old relationships, fresh and stale ones, break- ups a getting back into the dating scene after a heart ache. Ahhh jumping back on the saddle of love!

He began to tell  how much the dating scene sucks and how sick and tired he was of meeting the wrong kind of woman. (Sounds familiar!) As he continued to tell me about his dating disasters, ie… the older woman who is a  jealous , overbearing -materialistic psycho , or the young hot woman who knows that her biological clock is ticking yet does not have the brains to even tell time, I began to compare his experiences to mine.   As I asked him questions such as what he was looking for in a partner , and what his ideal woman or relationship is, his response was  at he was not looking for any type, but simply looking for “the  right one”. The right one?

Uh oh Pandora’s box has opened. The right one? What exactly does that mean? Do we as human beings have a predetermined image or idea of who the right woman or man is for us? Does this mean that he or she has to fit a certain physical characteristic, have the brains of Einstein, is career driven or homeward bound. What exactly does this mean? You can tell he struck a nerve in me. He laughed as I began to spit off these questions above. Well how do you know?

You just know. he said….

How do you just know? How do you know that it is love and not lust, that your friendship should be more..that he or she is the one you want to spend the rest of you life with?

Great another unwritten rule in this crazy game of love…. A game that I am tired of trying figure out.

Lets see what determines him or her being the right one? The Yin and Yang of love…When we find that one person who meets all our physical expectations but not our emotional ones is he the right one? When we find the one who is financially stable yet is down and out in the sexual attraction category is he the one? Or how about the one who keeps your interest intellectually, romantically and  emotionally yet does not want to commit to you, is he the one?

So basically according to his theory there is a man or woman out there for you, the “right one”, you just cant seek him out, or have an image of him,  and you just need to have faith and believe that you will find each other.So great now faith  is playing a game with my life and heart? ! I do believe that things will work out in the end, but I do find it hard to believe that faith is  holding my prince charming for ransom until it is ready to relinquish him?

How about this one, you have the right one in the palm of your hands but because you are unsure of what it is you are looking for, or  because of your preconceived ideas of what the right one is, you throw him or her away to only realize years later he or she was the one ?

My point to all this rambling is,maybe he is right, maybe we should go with our gut feeling and stop seeking perfection..If it feels right then, just go with it..

When god winks on love, and hes just not that into you because of your female brain?n

Like many women out there, I am trying to figure out the great mysteries of life and unfortunately a big component of this is  love,  relationships, & men. Its sad to admit this but many of us spend countless amount of hours, days, or even months infatuated, infuriated , disappointed or simply trying to figure out men.  We spend half of our time wasting brain cells in trying to over-analyze, psychoanalyze, or simply trying to decode many of the  signs that he is or is not giving us. Based on our research we then decide if we should or should not be happy. I think that all this unnecessary research is  a recipe for disaster, or ending up in an insane asylum.

In order to maintain my sanity, I  began to buy many relationship books including Hes just not that into you, Its called a break up because its broken, the Female Brain and… When God Winks on Love. After all that reading I can honestly say that I am even more confused than when  I first started.

The female brain, states that we are emotional creatures, and that women are wired differently than men, we are more nurturing, emotional,etc etc..Well duh!

He;s Just not that into you, basically gives you the signs when a man is not into you…

“Its called a break up because its broken”, reminds you why he is a jerk and why you should move on!

And my latest disappointment,

When god Winks on Love…

Excerpt:

You are destined to have a soul mate, if you have faith in the outcome, the picture of love you have in your mind can be yours, so trust and learn to read the God Wink is a persona signal or message directly from a higher power, usually , but not always,in the form of a coincidence.. Squire Rushnell

The book goes on to give examples of God winks in peoples lives and and how if we would only pay attention to these Winks we would be living happily ever after..

OK are you kidding me..I have to admit, sometimes I get up in wanting to  believe that true love is on the other side of the rainbow and that the Unicorns will lead me to my Prince Charming. But come on seriously GOD WINKS? If I were to sit here and listen to all these signals that the invisible man from above is or is not  sending me..I would be in a whole lot of trouble!

Being a writer myself, I am not bashing the author of the book , it was edited quite well! I do  believe that there is some truth behind it,  that there are certain circumstances, situations, or whatever you may call it that may lead you on a path towards a certain person, place, or thing but ultimately in my opinion it is  you who you decide who you end up with. But come on! A God Wink?!

I guess what I am trying to say women, is that there is no book, person, or thing that can help you find your perfect relationship or man or life. Its called “life” because you are living..You are bound to get hurt, make logical and illogical decisions, mistakes, and endure a whole lot of  tears, pain, and heartache. If you sit there and read about it and not be about it, you could be missing out on someone or something incredible. Weather he makes you happy for that one month, year, or a life time at least you are experiencing something.

You will never know what you want or who you want if you are too afraid to jump into the water!

Ok venting done!

Mixing Business with pleasure

We have all heard the saying “I don’t mix business with pleasure”, but is that really possible?

Being a busy woman myself, hence me not writing in this blog for a while, I find myself meeting men in the most uncomfortable places. I spend half of my day at work , the other at home focusing on my writing and the rest at the gym. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem meeting men when I do go out but for the most part I find myself meeting people between the hours of 9-5.

I have always been one to never mix business with pleasure but lately, because of my limited time I also have a limited social life. I find myself meeting men at work, usually fellow employees,or at the gym and going to dinner and am stuck in a predicament. DRAMA!

Is dating at the workplace or within the gym a really a good idea? I am beginning to think NOT!

Maybe I am basing my decision on past experiences gone bad, but I am starting to think work is work and play is play and well, you should not merge the two. What prompted me to write this blog is me dating stalker which you can read in my past blog what the outcome was! But now stalker is talking to a fellow friend/ colleague. Can you say Awkward! She really digs him and I most def am not a man blocker but I will let her figure that one out on her own.

But ya I am tired of avoiding a fellow colleague because it did not go right, I got bored, the sex was not good, or we just were not meant for each other. This all makes for unnecessary drama in my life . I have enough drama as it is! (as you can read)

Maybe I am just ranting, but is there an alternative to meeting men at the work place ? The whole going out scene drains me and I feel as if I am a little to old to do the night scene? Is the online scene still too creepy or is it acceptable.. or should I just suck it up and not give a shit ?

WOW I have an idea for another blog!